Hi everyone,

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about goals. I've never really had big goals for my life.  I just want to be able to have the things that most people do - to be able to earn money to support my family in relative comfort, to be able to be healthy and to spend time with my family.  But outside of that, I don't have wishes for a certain car or home or vacation - I'm one of those people who's content to be content.  Not that there aren't things I wouldn't like to have in my life (who wouldn't want to go on a beautiful vacation?), but I always thought of them as much the same as winning the lottery - kind of..... wishes. My experiences have led me to believe that gazing upon something big can lead to big unmet expectations, and therefore big disappointments.  So I've stayed in my lane, looked for the silver lining, and been thankful for what I have.

My husband is a big dreamer.  He makes lists every year about what he wants to have happen in the upcoming year - from getting the bedroom door with the hole in it replaced, to replacing the worn couches, to going to Vegas.  Now,... this has always seemed far-fetched to me.  Because despite the fact that we're doing okay, there is always a shortage of money.  I would NEVER think to put Vegas or major household projects on the list.  My list would be more like, 'fix the hole in the door', because I'm sure with enough online learning and a bit of scraping together some spare change, I could do that relatively cheaply. So I've looked at his list as just that - HIS.  But you know what? His.stuff.keeps.happening.  He put 'buy a home' on the list 2 years ago.  I thought it was a pipe dream.  We had no savings. I literally had an argument with him over HOW that dream was supposed to come true when we were having challenges meeting our monthly bills.  He said, "Maybe something will happen. Maybe we'll get a windfall of money. Maybe God will see fit to deliver it to us." And I scoffed at him.  And he was angry. He said, "I'm not expecting YOU to dream - I'm expecting you to believe in ME - to support me as Iiiiii believe."  Okay. I can do that. So instead of fighting him when he wanted to visit a mortgage broker and discuss where our finances put us in the mix of buying a home, I got the paperwork he requested ready.  And I sat there - unbelieving - but with an open mind - as the mortgage broker told us we could do this. That we could buy if we solved X, Y and Z. And still, I balked.  "Well SURE - we COULD fix all of that - IF we had the money to do so.  If we'd had the money, we would have already done it!" But dh said now we knew what we had to do, and in what order. We started going to open houses as they presented themselves.  We looked online all the time, and he made me refine my "must haves" list for a home.  We spent months doing that - learning the market, what was out there, what to expect, how to look at a home objectively, etc. And then.... BOOM - we got a windfall.  TOTALLY unexpected. And dh started spinning a plan of how to best parlay the money into paying off debt, and in what order, and within WEEKS we were in a different place, had obtained a realtor, and we were making an offer on a home.  Four weeks later, WE.OWNED.A.HOME.  I sat in the car after closing with a "what the hell just happened" look on my face while dh cried tears of joy. I felt like I'd stood back, watched it all unfold, and thought, "Well, I'll BE."  Every year we look back at that year's list and cross off the things that we accomplished. And it's a good 80% of the things that I never.thought.would.happen.  So, you know what? CLEARLY I'm doing this dreaming thing wrong. I balance him out, and that's fine.  But why am I not doing what he's doing when it's freaking WORKING???

I've decided to turn over a new leaf this year, spending time thinking about a vision, and I'm putting "to-do's" on my daily calendar.  And shit.is.getting.done.  I've watched a few videos on making a vision board (which SEEMS like such a teenage thing to do, doesn't it?) and learned that you're not supposed to dream small - you're supposed to dream so big that it scares you.  Think about what you want two years out.  Not in what you THINK you can accomplish in 2 years' time, but in what you want to see come to fruition in that time.  Okay, I can do that.  And then pick photos to represent those things.  And put words to them - be specific - not "pay off debt", but a vision of what it looks and feels like - "open the monthly utility bills and see a zero prior balance. Pay off the bill in its entirety each month.", "start contributing an extra 5% of my paycheck towards my 401K". "Take a second honeymoon on Royal Caribbean with dh" Then put your vision board somewhere where you can see it every day. And take pics of it for your phone screen, and your computer screensaver, and put a pic of it in your car - you should be seeing your vision all.the.time.  A vision is something you can SEE.

And so I began. And I'm still not there, but I've found goals.  I want to be current on all utility bills every month. I want to have all my personal loans paid off.  I want to have my vehicle and my husband's paid off. I want a garden in the back yard.  I want the family room remodeled. I want to be in a healthy size 14 body.  I want to be able to enjoy walks with my hubby and kids and dog. I have my pics picked out (from looking on the internet). I still have to print them out, cut them out, and post them on my board. At the top of the board, it will say, "I believe I can have..... I expect to have..... I am ready to receive:

The second part of this - after getting clear on the dream and putting it down in clear terms - is making a path to the things I want.  I cannot get to ANY of my goals on accident.  I've been trying that for 30 years, and it's not working.  I've actually bumbled along pretty well - what the hell would happen if I put some effort into getting somewhere? Just imagine!  So now I've got a nice daily planner that I write in (because something about writing hard-wires it into my brain). Prior to any month beginning, I take time to sit and plan out what I want done that next month.  Put up new curtains in the living room, see a doctor about my knee issues.  Then I break down the goals into weekly goals.  Week 1: call Primary Care Physician about an appointment to come in and discuss a knee specialist.  Week 2. Call specialist and make appointment. Week 3: Call Primary Care Physician's office and get referral sent over for specialist appointment.  Week 4: See specialist. Outcome: Complete knee replacement surgery booked at the end of March.  BOOM - already closer to my goal of being able to go on walks with my family, and then, after I heal, I'm closer to being able to exercise and continuing on my health journey and losing weight.  It took writing it down and checking it off.

THIS.IS.WORKING.  No, I haven't figured out how to magically pay off more debt when things are tight.  But it's there as a goal.  Maybe next time I'm tempted to upgrade a car before I truly need to, I'll instead say no - I want this other dream more.

I encourage you all to dream - BIG.  Your goals are whatever you want them to be. Maybe next week you need to open your own bank account.  Or gather paperwork.  Or go out with an old friend.  Maybe it's call a few lawyers to make appointments for a few consultations. Maybe it's to figure out exactly what your budget looks like so you can figure a way out of your situation rather than being scared of it.  Maybe it's planning on spending some fun time with the kids.  Whatever your goals, there are steps you can take. You can see a counselor to help you deal with the emotional toll your journey is taking on you.  Or you can decide that you're going to go to your room each night by 9:30 pm, spend some time taking care of yourself and relaxing before deciding on trying to get to sleep at a sensible time - at a time that will help you heal and recharge.  Maybe you need to start looking at a new place to live, or vent to a good friend.  Maybe you need to start going back to church, or reading, or journaling.  Maybe you need to clean the clutter out of your closet, and metaphorically, your life.  Whatever it is, it's there for the taking.  The more you do, the more you will feel capable of. The more you grow. The stronger you get.

Tell me about YOUR journey. Tell me about YOUR dreams. Tell me not what you're afraid of, but what you desperately want, and what you're willing to put out there as your dream - your heart's desire. Then tell me a bit about how you're going to chase it - what your plan is. WHAT.IF life is truly ours for the taking?  What if we can have the things we want, but we have to KNOW what we want, first? How can you create a map to somewhere when you don't know where you're going? Tell me a goal, and your first step. 

Kel

Last edited by Kel (March 7, 2018 2:50 pm)