OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 of 1- lost
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Am I the only one?
My gay husband is the only man I have ever been with. Yes, I sound old fashion but I was a virgin when I married at 30. I am now 48 and divorced a few months ago. his constant verbal abuse about 'my lack of' always played into his disinterest. and without any reference, I assumed that it was me. all these years I would listen to other women talk about how their husbands wanted sex all the time and I was too embarrassed to tell them that my husband never wanted sex. he was always tired or not feeling well.
it all makes me so very sad.
Last edited by lost (August 18, 2016 12:46 am)
- Cornfused
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Re: Am I the only one?
Lost: That's abuse, plain and simple. He was just using you. Sorry! Did you find out he was quite active elsewhere?
My STBGEW used the excuse that I wasn't exciting her because we didn't have the spiritual/emotional connection. She said she would be more willing if there was that closeness. The strange thing is that she is the one that changed. She changed her religion and her outlook. Changed her friends and her appearance. Then it's my fault because we're no longer "on the same wavelength." I was always attracted to her, even with her change of friends and religion. All she had to do was brush up to me and give me a squeeze and I was ready to go! But now that she said she "accepted her true gay orientation" she didn't want any intimacy, ever. She wanted to "renegotiate" the marriage. Like it's some business deal!
Now she's helping me see my way out of this mess by divorcing me. So, even though it will be/is hard, I hope to progress and accept things and move ahead. I never thought I'd be a divorced man.
Look up and ahead- there are better days coming! You're young yet!
- selfrenewal
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Re: Am I the only one?
I know those feelings so well. Although my partner and I enjoyed a good sex life a lot of times, there were some periods of no sex or sex that lacked intimacy. It made me feel completely less than a woman. I felt ugly and untouchable, and it ruined my self esteem. I would just lay there and cry bc it hurt so bad and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't/couldn't have sex w/me. My self image became so distorted and I felt completely undesirable. He never blamed me for not wanting to have sex and constantly told me I was beautiful and desirable, but when they physically can't have sex with you, words don't matter.
I'm not a 10, but I do value myself and know I am a pretty woman. I just had to keep reaffirming this to myself in those moments. I think we have to remember that their actions, in that situation, have NOTHING to do with us. It's their own personal battle with themselves and TGT. We could never have been pretty or desirable enough, nor would any different bedroom techniques worked - it's just the sad reality of the situation. But, what I don't understand is how they could often have sex with us, only sometimes not?
Last edited by selfrenewal (August 18, 2016 1:34 am)
- Cornfused
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Re: Am I the only one?
Yes, it boggles the mind. And maybe we'll never understand their actions. They don't understand them either! Time to leave the confusion behind.
- Tanya39
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Re: Am I the only one?
I was in the same boat, married at 29 and he was my second. The first guy ever at 25 got me pregnant and left me. So my idea of any normal sex life was nill. First year lucky if we did anything once a month, then 3 months, 6 months, for awhile yearly....then the big WTF was a year and a half! I was the dedicated, loyal, wife who was hell bent on making my marriage work. I beat the crap out of myself trying to figure out what was wrong with me, change this, try that, talk to him about this---chase that rabbit---chase this rabbit....
Now, divorced, 2 years out and getting back on my feet, almost 40 with 2 kids back in the dating scene...or at least trying. I'm with you, you go back to basics of sticking to your morals, wanting to try and find the needle in a haystack, but I took some advice from Kel on here about when your up to it date a lot! Something I never did before. Meetup.com has helped to find a lot of new friends try it in your area all kinds of groups who do all kinds of stuff. I know what your talking about.
- Rob
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Re: Am I the only one?
Lost ,
Your not the only one. I always had to initiate sex. Still I treated her like a queen or princess and thought that's the way all women are.
When I found out she was cheating in me with her girlfriend it was always her pursuing the girlfriend.. like a double punch to me.
I'm not going to try to figure it out...no need.. that's not for me..not what we promised each other. Our marriage is over and I'm now alone and distrustful of all women save maybe you gals here.
Last edited by Rob (August 18, 2016 7:08 am)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7