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March 13, 2018 6:02 pm  #1


Faith or lack of it

How am I supposed to believe in God when all I have is heartache? I have prayed and prayed and have never gotten an answer, never even gotten a sign that things are going to be okay. Why, if there is a god, would he put people thru such misery. I know...there are MANY people who have it much worse. I have never done anything to deserve this. I can't seem take any steps to help myself. I am just...stuck! 
I tried to donate blood today but got denied because my BP and heart rate was way too high. I'm just falling apart.
 


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
 

March 13, 2018 6:18 pm  #2


Re: Faith or lack of it

Roo, I’m not massively religious but I do believe that He has helped me the two times this happened to me, because both times I begged that it stop, both times I didn’t know the truth, just that I was in despair...but both times it stopped.

Whether you believe in God, or a power, or the universe or just in good...someone or something is trying to get you OUT of this situation. This is why you found out, why you’re here, why you ARE making progress. God, or whoever or whatever you believe in is not going to make this go away..,YOU have to make it go away and trust that someone or something will be there to catch you. And I PROMISE they will. Look at us survivors here....look, we left, we did it and WE ARE OK. We are better, we are happier. It’s bloody hard, yes...no doubt whatsoever that this will test you but goodness you will come out of it happier and stronger and damn proud of yourself. Trust us Roo, trust yourself...everyone here who came out the other side is doing ok, better than ok.

What can we do, what do you need from us right now?

 

March 13, 2018 7:50 pm  #3


Re: Faith or lack of it

Deleted.   

Last edited by Lynne (October 3, 2020 6:50 pm)

 

March 13, 2018 8:28 pm  #4


Re: Faith or lack of it

Roo, 
I asked that question so many times.  "Why would God allow this horrible thing to happen in my life?"  

It took me a very long time to finally start asking what I believe was the right question for me.  "What am I going to do with this experience?"  I found peace when I started to see that allowing me to go through this hell changed me into a better person.  Until I knew how terrible life could be and had experienced "rock bottom" myself I couldn't find the true compassion and understanding needed to help others.  Knowing first hand how big a difference a few kind words mean when your at your lowest point helped me want to share those kind words with other people.  I found that helping others redeemed my horrific experience.  It makes it ok.  I'm a better person than I could have ever been without going through that hell.  I will do more to share love in the way Jesus desires because he allowed me to live through it.  My faith and walk with Him are so much stronger and more real than they were before.  

I won't say I'm glad I went through it.  But I will say that I'm a better person because of it.  

Look at the quote you've used as your signature.   You've already got your answer:
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~


I'm not saying what I shared applies to everyone.  We will all come to our own conclusions and we will all move in different ways after this experience.  But I pray that you will understand that God loves you very much and is close beside you always and wants you to lean on Him to get your through this.  

You are in my prayers Roo. 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

March 13, 2018 9:25 pm  #5


Re: Faith or lack of it

I totally agree with what others have said without a doubt.  My story is their story. I prayed for answers and signs too, but you know what God did for me? The day I called it quits on a 30+ year marriage, God knew exactly what he was doing. Because my pain and trauma at the time was absolutely nothing compared to what was about to happen with my ex, and the only thing that saved me was that I had already told him to leave and he was living elsewhere . The ink was barely dry on the final decree, and he was arrested for something horrific. God knew what was coming and pulled me out in the knick of time. But I had to make that decision, and you can do it too. Life is so much better drama free and peaceful, you’ll see. Hugs.

 

March 13, 2018 10:54 pm  #6


Re: Faith or lack of it

Hey Roo,

I think God knows the trauma we are in...I recall pulling over my car and not wanting to go home...if I just stay on side of the road...
I remember clutching my bible as my GX raged and threw things.  I read the psalms..that time I was reading psalm 64 that talks about the wicked.

They say rain falls on the just and the unjust. It is a season..of unknown length..but a season nonetheless.  There is an end..you cannot see it but there is an end..unknown but an end.  I think God can be found in the people he puts in our lives to help us through this.   I can see now he wanted to get me away from such horrible abuse.  I thank him now. 

Stay your course and gather strength. Know that he would not want you to suffer forever. Know that in this life or the next he will give us peace.  I recommend the psalms to read to find some comfort.  He sees what we are going through.

A kind prayer for you for strength and comfort.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

March 14, 2018 5:37 am  #7


Re: Faith or lack of it

Where we eventually land after all the dust has settled is where we are meant to be and not a moment sooner.  This hurts, it stinks, it pushes us to our limits but eventually we awaken to the realization that "I matter and I will never again settle for anyone who doesn't treat me as if I do." 

I know God is there...or some higher power that defies explanation.  Years ago I was sound asleep in the passenger side  of our car.  It was night and I heard a jolting voice that said, "you really need to wake up Now!"  The moment I did, I caught a faint glimpse of a semi trailer's reflector in the beam of our headlight. (the trailer was dark otherwise as it was bridged in our lane) I screamed "swerve!" my husband did and we were spared what would have been a horrible accident.  I have no explanation for that voice...the same beckoning that had me look into my H's computer years ago.

I am here sharing with you, we are here together trying to figure this whole thing out as a group.  No coincidence in this reality...just a map, a moral compass and power pellets of truth.

You've got this Roo...and the power that is offered is in the words we share to lift each other up as we go. For every negative we face there is a great positive waiting as a counterbalance on the path ahead.  If we allow the pain from this rotten situation to cloud our vision, we stand to miss out on what that positive actually is. 

Detour

 

March 14, 2018 6:15 am  #8


Re: Faith or lack of it

Just perfect Detour.

 

March 14, 2018 7:44 am  #9


Re: Faith or lack of it

Thank you all for you kind words. It's sad that I don't have the guts to leave right now. I think there is a part of me that this part of my life will just go away and things will be back to normal. I know it's not going to though.


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
     Thread Starter
 

March 14, 2018 11:19 am  #10


Re: Faith or lack of it

Roo,

God's not doing this to you - your GID husband is.  If you went out right now and stabbed someone in the street, you wouldn't think that God "allowed" that to happen to that person - you'd think you did that to the person.  And that's the truth.

HOW would God stop bad things from happening without taking away our free will? He could control us all like puppets, but He wants us to have our freedom and to be able to choose freely when to love and when to abstain from something. Just like we want from the people in our own lives.  We don't want the people in our lives to stay with us because they said they feel obligated to - we want them to be with us because they love us and want to be with us. That's all we all want. God's no different - He gave us free will so that when we loved Him and each other, it would be genuine. The flip side of that is that when we choose to NOT be loving to others, it hurts them. There is no one side of the coin without the other.

God didn't choose that this should happen to you. But.... it CAN work out for good. It can bring you closer to God, if you run to his arms instead of away from him. God is no different from any other parent - we cannot take our child's pain away - we can merely comfort them. He will never leave you, or walk away because He's exasperated at your pain and suffering.  He is always right there for the taking. Pour your heart out to Him - cast your sorrows upon Him. He never promised that you would not be in pain - He only promised that He'd always be there for you. Claim that promise.

Life is not fair. You didn't do anything to deserve this.  You've been hit by the gay asteroid, as I like to say. It's random and destructive, and it "happens" to you. You cannot try to unravel why an asteroid hit your house - it just..... did.  You cannot rebuild in the same spot - the ground beneath it has been destroyed.  But you can move over and rebuild your home. That's all you have the choice to do.  What you are doing is living in the asteroid crater and asking why God would allow you to not be able to reach your kitchen. GET OUT OF THE CRATER.

I'm not saying it's easy. I KNOW it's not. I took me a loooong time to do it.  But my home is so much more beautiful and better now that the one that was destroyed ever was. I wouldn't go back to that one now even if it looked just like the day I'd bought it. I know now that it was never that great in the first place - even though I didn't know better at that time.

Kel
 


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

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