The first thing I would address, and have no clue how to go about it, is the denial the str8 spouses have in the beginning, and how that continues for a long period. Specifically, I'd love if you found a way to reach these spouses before they waste any more time. I know that I didn't listen to anyone regardless of how many stories I read/heard or what outsiders said. I wish somebody would have beat me in the head and made me listen to these stories, and drill in my head that my outcome would be the same, bc most are. Sadly, I think most people think this way and don't listen until the pain becomes unbearable - I wish we could reach ppl before they endure that.

You could also add how the LGBTQ community and your deceitful spouse are incomparable issues. Some spouses question whether they actually support gay rights bc they're uncomfortable allowing their spouse to have outside gay-relationships, or in my case I wrongly blamed the LGBTQ community. These are 2 completely separate things that can't be compared. But you could also note that it is important to support LGBTQ rights bc had they never been shamed, many of the gay spouses may never have married and caused this pain to their str8 spouses. Many did not mean to hurt their spouses, they married bc they desperately wanted to be what society deemed "normal." However, if LGBTQ were normal and more accepted, especially in fundamental religious organizations people wouldn't be shamed and feel obligated to hide. I'm not excusing their behavior as they didn't have to marry, or lie and manipulate, but it's a step in a better direction to prevent this.

i found this site only couple of days ago and find myself reading whenever i get a moment or two.  i don't sleep.  i feel alone, betrayed by my best friend.  i don't know who to trust.

my friend circle is upper middle class sub. and all married.  my friends are great but they have no idea how it feels.  i 'pretend" for my kids, my job, my friends; for everyone.  and I am tried of pretending to be okay.  what happened to me isn't okay.  it was all a lie.  i hurt so much.

Abby:

"...this recent statement from the Catholic Archbishop of Philadelphia:..
http://archphila.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/AOP_AL-guidelines.pdf"

I got to page 4 of this pamphlet and couldn't continue. To suggest that divorced and "civilly remarried" persons must refrain from sexual intimacy?!?  I can only imagine what happens when he gets to gay or lesbian folk. Hellfire? Eternal damnation? Hate the sin, love the sinner? Ugh. And this is coming from a clan of older, unmarried, (presumably) celibate men, who wear dresses and hats and -- sorry, I meant robes and mitres -- who are now stained with a history of hiding and protecting pedophilia in their ranks...

And they're going to tell anybody else -- "re"-married civilly or not -- who can or cannot have conjugal relations?!?

Ugh.  Make me barf. The hypocrisy...  These guys are some of the biggest, worst, most nefarious and weasely contributors to the pain we and our spouses endured. Sorry, but that's where I stand on it, and I will swear it on my father's Bible. Modern day Pharisees and Saducees...  This is the kind of crap that necessitates the reason for us having to tell our stories in the first place. It's hard for me to believe that anyone still thinks this way.

Gahhh...  Puts me in a fighting mood.

 

Last edited by BryonM (August 17, 2016 11:01 am)

I have to wonder what counseling advice would be given to a person with same-sex attractions contemplating a straight marriage. Go for it -sometimes these work out?  Be honest upfront with your betrothed so s/he knows and can make an informed decision whether or not to proceed with the marriage?  Discourage the marriage because the feeling will not go away and marriage to a straight does not solve the problem?

Given the importance placed on marriage as a sacrament I wish that there was a recognition that the odds are against these marriages lasting, leading to more divorced and civilly remarried ex-Catholics. Annulments do not erase the pain that could have been prevented.