Has anyone ever read Joe Kort, a gay psychologist position papers on gay and bisexual men?  My husband printed off Kort's position on men watching gay porn, and the article claims one's husband is not gay just because he may watch gay porn or like anal sex. And of course, my husband printed off the article so I could read it. Of course, I reminded my husband he hasn't had sex with me for 10 years. He now admits he does not have ED, but had too much pressure on him to "perform" sexually with me, and often he could not get an erection with me, and said I did not have patience with him!!!!!! I believe he is Not attracted to women and that is why he has a "limp dick" with me! 

Makes more sense to me, he was getting his sexual needs met thru gay porn, and thru male sexual encounters.

Lynne, you are so right........Trust, respect......those are my major issues. He is still in denial about his sexuality......

I am not staying in this marriage. 


 

One more note, I do still love him and he does love me. BUT, I have no desire to be with him intimately , there is no trust. I realize for the past 10 years we have been best buddies, best friends, not husband and wife. 

So I have 3 choices:
1. I stay in the marriage and we will remain best buddies, best roommates.
2. I divorce him......and no contact.
3. I divorce him, but we can remain "friends."

I choose number 3.  I don't want to be bitter or angry, I am trying to choose compassion and understanding. But I realize he does not have my best interest in heart, only his own. I realize I have to take care of me, I have to protect myself. 


 

Cindys I want to FN punch this guy..
I'm sorry. He is just like all the other narc men who will do anything to keep you.
Think about it. They go through months..years...without an issue..That is UNTIL YOU CATCH THEM
Then the story changes...and changes again...and again...
Hate em..
They should stick with their own f'd up kind and stop dealing with straight women. 
STAY YOUR GROUND!
If ALL STRAIGHT WOMEN WOULD NOT ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOUR!...then maybe they wouldn't bother with us or stay within their own sick ranks. I'm sorry to be yelling but I see a pattern of women enabling these assholes by trying to be understanding and helpful. FUCK THEM. 
Let them work out their own problems without the comfort and cover of a women! Unless their partners are like them (bi/gay)..there is NO HOPE for either spouse. THEY ARE GAY IN THE END!
So until we STOP OUR CO-DEPENDENT support of these people...WE SUFFER MORE AND LOSE MORE IN THE END! 
STOP THE INSANITY OF SUPPORTING GIDS!!! (That is if you are in a relationship with them...WHEW! Sorry I had to get that off my chest.)
Thanks for listening and Cindy we are here and feeling your pain! I think everytime a new post comes up we relive this pain since it's the same old story over and over again. There is no rainbow at the end for the straight spouse until we leave the 'rainbow' spouse and see beyond that facade. 
Peace always my friend.

Hugs back :}
I think you are going in the right direction by getting your affairs in order. Do all you can to take care of YOU.
Stay healthy, keep in touch with your lawyer to know where you stand, and detach emotionally from him. His goal is to break you down with guilt so you'll go back, accept things as they were, blind yourself about the TGT as he conveniently sweeps it under the rug until the dust clears. Then he'll be right back at it.

   Unfortunately I've done an almost obsessive research on this topic and type of man for my own questions. The goal previously was to find a glimmer of hope for myself to stay in the relationship and 'fix' him of that one little thing since he was such a 'great guy'. (Wrong) 
Any research now just adds weight and narrows down what I already know...there is no hope.
One thing I've learned about these men, is that although they appear to be such wonderful husbands on the outside, the inside is rotting away. The facade they work so hard on begins to melt when they're cornered and exposed. Then the rottenness rears it's ugly head.
I'm not suggesting there is no good in them at all, because some are good men in many forms, but most of that 'goodness' is nothing more than enhanced grandeur they use to keep us in the dark and in their closets. And regardless of what they say, they LOVE their closets! They actually get off on living double lives. They've created a perfectly split world. One of a wholesome family life filled with people they only use as a cover. Although they claim to love us, it's the cover we provide that they love...It was never really us.
The other side of their world is thier true love- the secretive, diabolical, sick, anything goes, selfish fix of raw passion with other men. When forced to choose they will always choose that over all in the end.
To hear their side, and I've listened to many sides, they blame everyone and everything for their actions while justifying them at the same time....
"the wife who won't have sex, the kids/jobs that stress them out so they need release, the guy/family member/porn that introduced them to this, parents or even God for making them this way. Then they'll settle on a 'fact' that it's hard wired in their system, too hard to change, don't want to change because they love every minute of it. 
And no not all were born that way or had it even enter into their mind but some just later in life are acting on it and they have NO intention of stopping. 
 This comes from thousands of men (most of them married) who actually discuss this with each other. Scary huh? Welcome to the world. 
Where do we get off?

Last edited by Scrupulous (March 3, 2018 2:23 pm)