Duped wrote:

Why don’t you want to work Ellexoh?Whatever you say...or think...this is lovebombing.

 

Health issues.

And I already admit it prob is lovebombing.


 

Ellexoh,
Since he wants to keep you have you considered asking him to sign a post-nuptial agreement which could protect you financially?  You are in a great position now to get one signed. Perhaps this would give you financial peace for your future. He may be inclined to sign one now. They are legally binding.

Goonnowgo wrote:

Ellexoh,
Since he wants to keep you have you considered asking him to sign a post-nuptial agreement which could protect you financially? You are in a great position now to get one signed. Perhaps this would give you financial peace for your future. He may be inclined to sign one now. They are legally binding.

 

Funny you should suggest that 32 yrs ago....when I divorced my 1st husband...ready to happily start a r'ship with my current man, the lawyer set up a pre-nup. It was set over 15 yrs with the financial gain initially weighed in my favour, it was my house, and money, and the lawyer felt because my partner was younger...financial protection was important. The 15 yrs went by, came to an end, I used to love telling the story of how "the pre-nup wasn't needed...look! we're so strong as a couple..."
 
Now this chapter. The idea of a post-nup is one that wouldn't have occurred to me, but it makes sense. I'll do some 
research. The way the law works may not be the same here in NZ as it is wherever you live, and as I don't tell anybody about my situation unless I'm confident in, and of, their support....I'll be doing this cautiously

Thank you GONG   



 

Last edited by Ellexoh (February 28, 2018 1:30 pm)

Goonnowgo wrote:

Wishing the best for you in your research and sending good thoughts your way. It is very ironic you had a prenup. So if he signed that maybe you can get a postnup signed now as a sign of his good intentions. Get him to put a signature on his promises. Not the ones he wants to make but the ones that will help you feel financially more protected.

 

The prenup A put his signature on was 32 years ago.....that's another time, we were different people    i did some googling yesterday, just to learn about the history of pre/postnups, and the importance the courts put on them. No doubt things will have changed in those 32+ years and much of the focus may be on being able to afford to get good advice on the process. 

I tortured myself with hope we might work it out and fear that I would not be equal to life on my own for almost two years beyond the point when I could see that there was no future for us.  And even though now I have said, "I want a divorce," and burned the bridges behind me by saying "I do not want to be married to an autogynephile," and we are am actively moving toward divorce (we are currently negotiating on splitting up the property, and today I took him up on his offer to buy me out of the house, and I am looking for a place to move) it's still the fact that every single step of this cuts to the core.  Each step has its own hurts.  But each step I've taken also strengthens me.  I keep repeating Eleanor Roosevelt's line, "You must do the thing you think you cannot do."