Rob,

Thanks for your reply.  You are do right...marriage was not intended to resemble this at all.  I refuse to spy normally because if the intent is there, he will find a way regardless.  This time however, with him wanting a crush to be in our home, no way...I was not going to stand for that.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to someone who took that energy and directed it towards me and our relationship. (and our family) This has always emotionally felt as if I am swimming up stream against a strong current.

Thanks for your response.

Detour

detour,

What did you find in the few links you clicked on when you arrived home?  The suspense is killing me here!  Lol.  And what were the answers to the questions you'd asked your husband at dinner - about how he'd met this man, etc.?

If your husband really didn't have an issue with your putting the stop to this man coming to work for him, he wouldn't be giving you the cold shoulder or slamming things around his office.  At the very most, he'd ask if there was any further information that you needed in order to make you feel comfortable.  He's angry because he's not getting what he wants - which likely ISN'T help.  He could get different help, after all - with someone who you're more comfortable with.  He's angry because he is attracted to this person and thinks there's a good chance this was going to go his way.  He could literally have his guy right.in.the.house, with your permission.  Damn - SO close!  Angry that he has to figure out a different way to see this guy, or get into his pants.  Watch him not suggest anyone else now.  He will say it's because you wouldn't be comfortable with ANYone, so why bother?  But  that's not the truth.  Did you tell him (or did he ask) why you felt uncomfortable with this man coming into your home?  If so, what was your response?

Kel

Now what will you do Mounte?
 

The spying...well, I concluded years ago that it wasn't something that I wanted any part of.  I feel in the beginning we "go there" because of the need to understand the truth, so we look for, we go back into, we click there again, each time feeling even worse about ourselves and how the life we believed we were living did not match the reality of who we were married to. 

With each glimpse into the computer, I lost something....there is no erasing those images once they became burned into my mind.  So, I refuse to spend any more energy chasing twisted shadows.  The best any of us can do is find happiness despite all of the garbage that we have been put through.

I feel sadness over his pain and he is in great pain, the pain of not being honest with himself or with me.  There comes a point we all must say, "enough of that all ready."  I've put up with a lot throughout the years, too much actually and I'm hoping that I can move forward in life in a way that brings me honor.  We all deserve that!

The biggest thing for me to wrap my head around was the fact that my husband was /is two different people.   There's the man he presents himself to be to my face and then the man he is behind my back.  I just wish those two faces matched.

Kel, sorry...I won't go into much more detail than I all ready have.  You get the general idea....the half truth like that of a teenager wishing to borrow mom's car to drive to school because of extra curricular actives instead of saying how they are ditching class and going to the beach instead of school.  (The beach being the extra curricular activity)  That sort of half truth is exactly how this felt...and I figured it out and called him on it.  

~Detour 

 

Last edited by detour (February 28, 2018 5:00 pm)