Gary...
I'm not here to judge you, I can only say based on my own experiences of being stuck in the closet with my husband that only being half-way in a relationship is wrong.  By not seeing your wife as the whole package you are depriving her of being with someone who does.  No matter how much you may wish to convince yourself that you are honorable by sticking around, you are using excuses to have it both ways.  I often wondered about something....is it really that you are bi-or gay or is the real truth that you lack the courage to be fully connected to anyone?
  
Love is never selfish...it is always meant to want the absolute best for the person you are in a relationship with even if that means letting them go. 

If you were having dinner with your wife and an attractive man happened to sit one booth over, tell me you would really be focused on your wife.  Now transfer that one dinner to many years of marriage.  She's sharing her life with you while you are fantasizing about the ultimate him.  It really sucks to be that wife. 
 
I'm very sad for all of us that we ended up in such an impossible situation.  The best we can do is comprehend the full scope of this situation, deal with it and move on.  There is a huge difference between a life tainted by overcast and a sky overflowing with remarkable color.  What you are offering is a marriage with endless days of overcast.  (A person who is unhappy can never possibly make anyone else happy.  The math does not add up.)

~Detour

I think this thread has run it's course.  The general tone has become argumentative and no longer providing insight or advice to help and support straight spouses.  

I won't lock the thread.. But I do ask that if anyone else feels the need to post again, let's make sure the content is in the spirit of education or constructive commentary to current and future straight spouses. 

Thank you!

Agreed OOHC. This post mirrors so many of my years of experiences, it’s scary. And as we all know here, many, many of us have similar, parallel, experiences, and many of us spent decades trying to figure out what was missing. In that respect, I think this is beyond valuable for both current and future members.

JenS wrote:

Maybe you should create a protected thread for Gary in the MOMs Section where he can post to his heart's content with full protection.   Yes, I think that would solve it. 

 
Oh ffs....he doesn't belong in there! Please no !#$@!!

Ellexoh,
 I believe that suggestion was not meant to be serious.  I think it was designed to point out that Gary is not a hothouse flower who needs to be protected from the cold blasts he's opened himself to here with his posts.  
  And Gary, if you're still posting, I wonder if you have ever heard of "topping from the bottom," a dynamic in which the spouse who is, like you, apparently the weaker spouse, actually directs the actions of the stronger one.  You say your wife is the one with the power in your relationship, but from what you say it appears that you are really directing the action, even as you claim she's the one making the decision.