...but I am being a coward and not serving him the papers. Im so scared. Im so tired. Im still having those weak moments that pull me back to him. He is begging me to stay and work this out. He swears, he knows he "will be loyal to me forever." Can i believe that? (He is Bi/autogenephile) Half of me wants to because he is my best friend, we have 2 kids, a house and 9 years of marriage.

But I am already and have been attracted to other men now for a while. I lost a level of attraction to him that I cant get back. Ill never be that crazy in love with him like I used to be either. But that crazy passion is what I want in my life. So even if he has if for me...now I have lost it for him.

I am literally pulled apart. I wont be able to see my kids every day/night.. Its agonizing. Im tired of thinking about it, though it is relentlessly torturing my mind. I feel frozen with fear to make a choice.

I have prayed and meditated and asked for a sign. A clear sign that I could understand. Within a few days, I was driving to work really early, its dark..and an illuminated sign with words caught my eye, that never caught my eye before. And it had 2 messages for me, one on each side.

The first message I saw read:

"ITS OK TO BE AFRAID, BUT DONT LET FEAR STOP YOU."

And the second one read:

"LOVE IS NOT WHAT YOU SAY, LOVE IS WHAT YOU DO."


I am very spiritual and I believe it was exactly what I asked for.... A sign that I am making the right choice for me.

And even still I am doubtful to leave.

I must be crazy.