After only 2 or 3 years I do think it would be awkward to watch your ex take those same, or similar, vows that the two of you took at some point in the past. If you don't have kids, or a shared circle of friends to socialize with, you might feel out of place surrounded by former 'in-law' family.

Nice to see your name pop back up, stay well!

I think they do these things so they can SAY they did.  "Oh yeah, we're totally still friends.  I invited him to my wedding and everything."  It gives them some bragging point about how what they did didn't really affect us all that much - we obviously stopped hurting the moment they walked out the door.

I'm fully over my ex, and I wouldn't go to HIS wedding if he begged me.  Why?  What's the point?  We barely speak, and I'm happiest that way.  I don't think it would bring back bitter-sweet memories, because I have since fallen in love, gotten re-married, and am very happy.  I just have no reason to be involved in something so personal in his life.

Plus, gay men kissing gives makes me want to barf.  It's not that they don't have the RIGHT to.  But I can't help it that it grosses me out.  My kids get angry with me because any time I see it in a movie or on TV, I'm like, "Nooooo........" and cover my eyes.  My daughter thinks it's very...... non accepting of me.  I've always been grossed out by it, though.  Just like most straight men are.  Just.don't.want.to.see.it.

Kel

Bryon - I also want to second what Kel said in her first paragraph above.  I think in some ways offering the invitation could be meant to minimize what actually happened and the true situation; could be an attempt by them to assuage some of their own guilt, look like they still "really care", are cool with everything, etc. regardless of how you might have experienced things.

BryonM wrote:

BryonM

If you're....

"Back on my feet emotionally and more or less back to my old self but my old self is now living a new normal." 

only you will know how attending the wedding might affect you...

Best wishes for the best decision with the best outcome
 

I can definitely speak to this - my ex just got remarried a month ago.

We split six years ago and have maintained a good relationship.  In advance of the wedding, I was her confidant.  She had some pre-wedding jitters ("I'm afraid of making a mistake again") and told me I was the only person with whom she could openly share her fears.

With our kids at the wedding, all of her family (who are more my family than my own), and many long-time mutual friends, I wanted to be there too.  My wife and I experienced *every* significant life event together from age 20 onward; to miss out on this would have really...hurt.

Although we discussed the wedding arrangements in detail, I never received an invitation.  When my kids asked if I was going, I said, "I guess not" - unable to hide my hurt and disappointment.  A day later, my wife called to profusely apologize (she went on and on) and ultimately said, "I just can't do it in front of you."  Knowing in that moment exactly how she felt, I let go of the whole idea.  I didn't need to be there.  I really SHOULDN'T be there.  For her sake, for my sake, for the kids' sake.

In the four or five days proceeding the wedding, I was very anxious. Thoughts of the pain I'd feel on that day weighed heavily on me.  But on the actual day, and especially around the time I guessed they'd be exchanging their vows, all the gloom and doom I expected just wasn't there.  For me, it was a complete non-event, which was surprising.

The next day, whether I wanted to hear the stories or not, the kids shared some key information.  The biggest was that, at the reception dinner, there were endless toasts, with many of the groom's family saying "It's a match made in Heaven!" or "It was their destiny to come together in everlasting love!"  I like the groom ok - he's a good guy - but I never would have made it through those many toasts.  Just hearing about them wanted to make me wretch.  I can tolerate a lot, way more than the average person, but I would have left.  Even if I could have done so quietly, my kids would definitely have noticed, and seeing that wouldn't have been good for them or me or my ex or anyone.

So...long story made short: even if you have good reasons for wanting to go...sitting through the actual event will UNDOUBTEDLY bring up very painful emotions.  When you're feeling those, do you really want to be at a "joyous" event, surrounded by many people who know you well?