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February 2, 2018 6:08 pm  #1

Very confused husband

I found out my husband was having sex with a man. He is very confused and doesn’t know if he is straight and just curious, bisexual or gay. He says he loves me and we have been married 25 years. He just started therapy but has no idea how to explore and fugure out his sexual identity. He suggested dating men but there has to be other ways?


February 2, 2018 6:27 pm  #2

Re: Very confused husband

Sorry you find yourself here Mo.

He’s not confused, he got caught.
If he’s having sex with men he’s not straight. He is likely to have been doing this for years. Please get STD tested and only practice safe sex if you plan to continue to have sex with him.

He’s currently playing you. He is introducing confusion; he knows exactly what he’s doing.

You are likely to hear the following:

I can’t remember
It wasn’t like that
I didn’t mean that
I’m straight
I don’t know if I’m straight
I’m gay
I’m not gay
I’m bi
I’m not bi
I might be bi
I love you
I don’t know what I want
I want to stay married
I need to satisfy my desires
It was only one person
I might be bi but I only want you

All designed to confuse and disorientate you.

I’m afraid you’re facing what most of us have been through.

Straight men don’t have sex with men. The propaganda out there says they do but I suspect that propaganda has been put there by closet gays.

Please try and get some time alone to process this.

And again, get tested.

Last edited by Duped (February 2, 2018 6:28 pm)


February 24, 2018 12:45 pm  #3

Re: Very confused husband

Totally agree with everything that duped says here.


June 29, 2021 3:50 pm  #4

Re: Very confused husband

I am sorry for commenting on such an old thread, but I have to say this to get it off my chest.

As part of the crazy making response to my situation I actually entertained the idea that my wife was not interested in me anymore because:

I am unattractive 
I am not man enough
I am too needy
I am too sensitive
I don’t earn enough money
I am obsessed with sex
and believe it or not! Is it because I am gay? (Her idea, not mine)

I can quite categorically state that after a great deal of intense introspection that straight men do NOT have same sex desires. Strictly the ladies for me. Or at least it was before all of my current issues transpired. I mean, how can I ever be sure again?

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.

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