Brassyhub wrote:

.......But there is a tragedy and a loss: neither of us have experienced, or will experience, the full joy of a sexual connection through desire with another.

What a heartbreaking post Hub.Over the time you & I have got to know a bit about each other....I've tried to 'marry' the aspects of your situation and mine, just to compare what's happening in each. So far the biggest difference  has been that I have all the sex I want. But I have no trust in him. I would rather have less sex....no sex if I absolutely had to.....if I could get back the feeling of complete trust I once had

Brassy, I'm sorry for all the pain you've gone through but it's good to see you're in a good place now.

Doingmybest, thanks, your words are very encouraging.  I actually may be seeing a counselor or therapist -- actually, unrelated to all this, but my dermatologist is treating me for a condition that's exacerbated by stress, and she was kind of insistent -- but anyhow, I guess I really need to sort out what I do want from my life, and what can be changed, versus what won't ever change.  I don't see my husband ever, ever admitting to being gay.  On the other hand, I once would have thought it impossible that he would even be gay, much less cheat on me, much less cheat on me later in life after everything we'd gone through.  So clearly I'm not the best judge of what's possible or impossible.

Elle: we cross-posted, but I totally get what you're saying about having your emotions covered with a damp towel.  It's a good analogy, actually, I might borrow it!  

I don't "need" a husband, nor do I "need" to be single.  At my age, what I want is to have a satisfying life with what's in front of me right now.

Last edited by walkbymyself (January 18, 2018 1:35 pm)

Just lost a long-ish post with a wrong 'click'! My therapist/hypnotist/pastor has helped me to see, recognise and FEEL the heroic character of our marriage, and of us both, for sticking together. Our marriage, the two of us together, means a lot to others, and we simply have to accept that, humbly. Where we may feel incomplete, broken, frustrated, others see something rather different: an older couple who are very good friends still, who share a lot, and who care deeply for each other and for others, and who don’t pretend to be better or stronger than they are. Who without being very open about the exact nature of their challenges (i.e. their MOM) are pretty open about their doubts, their struggles with God and faith. My dear wife in particular has real gift for friendship. Whereas I was asking myself if my life and my marriage were massive and now irredeemable mistakes, I now feel proud of what we have built and made together. There has been and is immense pain and cost (to us both), but life is smooth and simple for no-one. All couples face challenges and difficulties. We’ve faced ours, and accepted them.

So I think I'm coming to a place where I'd say we have a successful if sexless MOM. And that while I'm sometimes frustrated and wish things could be different, I accept that they are the way they are, and I'm mostly at peace and relatively content...

My therapist's point being - I think - that our unconscious led us together, both of us. Unconsciously, she felt that I was a man that she could trust, and feel safe with, as you say. This still leaves me in the not completely satisfactory place of a sexless marriage! But I DO feel a degree of peace and acceptance, and we DO have a good life in every other department.

Last edited by Brassyhub (June 5, 2018 9:18 am)

Philly wrote:

I am glad I found this thread, so encouraging.

 

Welcome to the Forum Philly
The Strategies for MOM's section is the quietest section here I think. Not many admitting to working 
on their r'ship and many who have decided to give up on it.

If you go to the "Our Stories" section you may like to write/type an account of your situation. Replies to the stories have been disabled....but there are plenty of threads..General, Support, Is he/she Gay...to interact with others