Hi friends and supporters

I am just constantly enraged. My soon to be ex has cut me off financially and also sent me a legal letter stating he intends to give me nothing. This was about 10 days ago. In the mean time he keeps lying to those around me and in our circle saying he will be honourable and do the right thing. I don't believe him. This has not brought out the best in me. It's bad enough I've been loyal and faithful all these years and you have lied and cheated. Now you want to leave me with  nothing too. On Friday I drank a bit too much and behaved badly and called him some very ugly nasty names. He now demands an apology and is furious  I feel pushed to my absolute limit.

Has anyone else been driven to major rage/borderline insanity from.being tormented by their GID spouse? I feel like I did  not recognise myself ............

Wonderwoman,
 Yes, I have been driven to rage and to outbursts--three of them--I later regretted.  What I realized, however, is that they were a response to my stbx's refusal to communicate with me, his silence, his acting as if things could go on as they were indefinitely.  The pressure would build and build in me, and then would come an evening when I had a glass of wine too many, and I would blow up.  Of course, these were then held against me as attacks, which had the effect of justifying in his mind his silences, even though after the first of these my stbx admitted he contributed to the problem by refusing to communicate with me.  
  Could your stbx be doing the same thing?  Provoking you on purpose for his own purposes, whatever they might be (to feel better about what he's done, etc)?  

 It sounds to me as if your stbx is trying to intimidate you.

Rob is right on here.  Make sure you have a good lawyer, communicate only through your lawyer, maintain no contact as best you can. 

wonderwoman wrote:

On Friday I drank a bit too much and behaved badly and called him some very ugly nasty names. He now demands an apology and is furious I feel pushed to my absolute limit.

Has anyone else been driven to major rage/borderline insanity from.being tormented by their GID spouse? I feel like I did not recognise myself ............

Been there, done that.

If he has a lawyer, you need to get a lawyer.  That's a rule.  And then ignore anybody's advice if it conflicts with what your lawyer tells you -- and that includes any advice you get from me.

That being said, here's my suggestion -- and I'm only saying this because it gives you a tactical advantage -- if you have had too much to drink and said things you regret having said, apologize.  Not a conditional apology, an unconditional apology.  Take that weapon off the table, or he'll go right on using it against you.

If you ended up saying things you don't mean?  Well, in that case say so, but it doesn't sound like that's what happened.  It sounds like you said things you might have preferred to have left unspoken, or at least articulated in a less confrontational fashion.  That's because you had too much to drink.  

By the way, I'm the last person to judge you for that.  But you are the one who's mad at yourself, not me, and what you should do is figure out what you did that's bothering you.  

On Edit: wonder woman, I hope this post doesn't come off as pushy.  I'm leaving it up because it gives you ONE option to think about, that's all.  The issue of you drinking -- or me drinking -- is a separate issue from the issue of him cheating, even though we both know that the drinking is at least in part a reaction to his cheating.  I get that.  I'm just putting this out there because it takes away a very potent weapon he's been weilding against you.

Last edited by walkbymyself (January 28, 2018 12:23 pm)