I am not sure if this is where I tell my story,,,, but here it is...SOOOO with 10 days til Christmas 2017 (just gone)- I received the worst Christmas present ever. I found evidence that my loving husband of almost 21 years was living a lie. I had found suspicious material on the family computer.  When confronted, he confirmed my suspicions, and stated that he had been having anonymous hook ups on and off for at least the last 12 years. On retrospect- his hook ups started when I was pregnant with our third child. I had to be tested for syphyllis, as he was then positive for syphyllis and our GP had concerns for my + baby's welfare.  He confirmed that he was gay and has been gay all of  his life. He just hoped that after meeting and marrying me, a switch would 'flick' and all would be ok..Normal for him. Well it's not NORMAL! I am angry, sad and hurt... but a part of this is for him as well.  Denying your true feelings for 53 years must be a hell like no other. He is a good, kind man and a great father to our growing children. So what do I do?  What is best and fair for every one?  He states that he still  loves me, deeply!  Hard to believe as this flaunts ALL Gay beliefs. He states that he is attracted to me and still loves me deeply. I asked him if he could be 'Bi'- but he firmly denies this as he feels he is only attracted and  attuned to men.  How did I not notice things before now? He has, and still is a gentle, smart, caring man. Not what I would call... "A mans man" but still a "gentleman". I have wondered on + off through the years if he could be gay- but thought actually confronting him with my suspicions would well and truly blow our marriage out of the water! So what will I do now for me and my three children- 12, 16, 19 years? For now, I have decided after a lot of soul searching, to stay friends - after all- we really have been good friends since we met, and continue our joint efforts in raising our  young children. I feel that for now, we not tell the children. I will explore the option of having a home extension done with more living space and  see what the future holds for all of us. He has no expectations and feels he has no right or requests, demands  to be made as he has cfreated this shit hole! I made a vow, and I will honour it- for better or worse- even though this is the worst!.  But the trust is gone, and the  intimacy is gone as future fidelity cannot be guaranteed by him. Uncertain times are ahead for us all. But we only get one life to live. So we shall see what lies ahead for us all.

Last edited by coleenp (January 22, 2018 5:00 am)