Well, I am guessing he does so because he knows it deprives you of the satisfaction of hearing him be accountable for his actions.  He knows damn well that his "experimentation" was cheating.  I dont believe for a second he was ever confused or in denial on that point.  You are seeking rational and kind behavior from someone who is neither.  It makes it harder to process and heal from the hurt he has inflicted, but the only solution you have is to back away slowly from the coiled rattlesnake in your home and exit to safety.  Dont give him any more of your attention ... he thrives on the centrality of all that attention.  You are right ... he is a POS.  I am so sorry. 

I have lurked here for a while and wont sidetrack this post with my story.  That is for another day.

Dear Jane,

That is why so many of us use the acronym "GID" for Gay in Denial.  It is a catch-all term but it speaks to the refusal to acknowledge, to us or others, that they are gay. The denial and rationalizations for their SSA run deep.  Many of us try to make sense of this and eventually we come to realize that  it does not matter what they are, or what label we attach to them, or what words, explantations, or pretzel logic comes out of their mouths, what matters is their actions.  Most likely you could catch him in the act and see it with your two own eyes and he would still deny.  Its frustrating and mind-boggling.

Shift the focus to you and your authentic new life. Focusing on you is time better spent.  Good luck and keep posting!

The denial thing is just so hard.  I thought I was making such progress (mostly because I rarely have contact with my GIDX) BUT I had some interactions on the phone and by text recently and he has a new girlfiriend who "understands" him.  He has told her everything.  He 'was' bi-curious"  for 20+ years having his cock sucked and doing poppers with a fully gay man he saw regularly (that he admitted was someone who loved him) AND STILL he swears blind he NEVER has done more than BJs!  He HAD to check by having an affair with another woman then helped him know he wasn't, BUT then he had to double check for that, so had a gaydar account and found this lover.....OMG.   I must have CHUMP on my forehead, because I still was ready to believe this massive stinking pile of bullshit that just kept growing.  Now he is older, and less sexual, probably it is easier for him to deep six the SSA.  And maybe he will be successful.  But I am trying to get to that point where I don't care anymore.  And that is really hard after 27 years of marriage.  So with 2 years of cheating in the bag.... I'd follow the best advice I've heard here and RUN LIKE YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE AND DON'T LOOK BACK.....  The looking back is the painful bit for me now.  

Any behaviour that is long-standing sexual contact with another person HIDDEN from the main partner is CHEATING.  Lying and just generally unethical and immoral - not because it is sexual, but because it is dishonest to the partner who is blithely trying to make the relationship more intimate, more honest, closer....  And that is the painful part, for me anyway to remember how much I was putting into figuring out what I could do when he was holding all the information I needed to understand the gap.  Now he has told me he thinks I should just believe him and stop being angry at all the years of betrayals and hurt.  I am trying, but it is not an easy thing. 

Denial only helps them to see themselves in a better light and justify their behaviour and villify the hurting spouse for being angry and hurt....it is and always will be about them.  

JaneB, I'm in the same boat. I did run like my hair was on fire cuz I refused to live with more lies and deceit. I wished so many times that he would just for once be honest but he never did. Claimed up and down these "secret friendships" were all so innocent. No. He did admit to a lot of things in the end, but no, he wasn't gay.

I don't even care about TGT, I just am angry that he had the balls to lie and go behind my back when all I ever did was be a good wife. For 25 years! No, it sucks, and all we can do is pick ourselves up and move forward. Best wishes to you.