Hi Lburros, 

Welcome to the group.  I'm sorry you haven't gotten many responses to your thread and your questions.  

I think you've got a situation that is unfamiliar to most of us, so I'm not sure we know how to respond or how to give you advice.  

Based on your reports, I would agree that your husband likely has bi-sexual tendencies.  It's very common for men to reject the idea of being gay, so it would be very common for him to emphatically deny being homosexual. 

The whole voyeur situation is strange to me.  I can't understand why a man would want other men to see or touch his wife.  I never would.  I viewed all intimacy with my ex as a private and special gift.  The fact that I was the only person to see or touch her made that gift more special.  At the end of our marriage when she gave that gift to someone else and without my permission and against my will it was a very deep dagger in my back and hurt more than anything I could imagine.   So I can't understand why your husband would want to offer that to someone else..  perhaps he doesn't view your intimacy as a gift or doesn't value it?  

I guess I would ask you a very direct question.   Are you happy and fulfilled and loved?  Are you ok with the voyeur stuff?  Do you trust that he is being faithful to you?

You don't have to answer publicly..  But I want you to think about the situation.  If you are happy and satisfied with your marriage and the things you are doing intimately, then perhaps it doesn't matter so much if he is straight or Bi.  On the other hand, if you are unhappy, not fulfilled, don't trust him, then perhaps understanding his true sexuality becomes important.  Don't be afraid to set some boundaries and ground rules for your intimacy.  Don't ever do something you are uncomfortable with. 

I dated a man who was into cuckholding - which is what you just described.  He was not amply endowed, and he used the cuckhold situation as if he were trying to satisfy me and still stay with me.  Oddly, HE was the one who suggested it.  I was in an experimental stage of my life, and I figured, "why not try something new?"  Well, I didn't like it.  I've come to several conclusions:
1. Two men and one woman means double the work for the woman - not more attention for her.
2. I am grossed out if the men touch.  They seem to want to get SO CLOSE to the action that's going on that even if they're not participating, they may as well be - you can feel their breath on you, for God's sake.
3. No man truly in love with a woman would want to share his woman with another man.
4. No may who's truly straight wants to see or be seen naked by another man, much less see him excited by it.

I told the man I was seeing that I wasn't interested in it anymore.  I tried it - which is all he'd asked of me.  He told me it was no big deal - he didn't NEED it, and he wanted to keep me.  So,.. no biggie.  Lies.  We couldn't go a few days without it coming up.  DAYS.  He was always sneaking something into conversation - as if he was trying to slowly re-introduce the scenario again and work me back to it.  I.SAID.NO.  He'd backpeddle to the "I don't need it" stage, then we'd rinse and repeat.  Ugh.

The other dude in the scenario told me once that sometimes, the man I was seeing and him would get together just the two of them in hotel rooms.  That did it for me!

I would never, ever consider being with someone who was fine with sharing me.  I know there are probably millions of happy couples out there who do that regularly.  But I'm not them.  If you're not all into me and want me for your own, then you don't want me the way I want to be wanted.

You'll need to decide for yourself where your own lines are.  If YOU are not enjoying being with these other men - if it's not YOUR thing, then stop doing it.  It's a way weird thing to do just to please someone else.  It's not like sticking a finger in their ass occasionally or something for God's sake.  If YOU aren't way into it, refuse.  And then watch how he short-circuits.  He's not into YOU enjoying it - HE'S enjoying it.  If he says he's into you enjoying it and you tell him that you're not, then that should end that argument.  That's not what this is about at all.  The more you put your foot down, the more you'll see that this is HIS thing, not his thing for YOU.

Kel

Thank you all so much for responding.

To answer your question Phoenix, up until about 3 weeks ago yes I was very happy, fulfilled and thought we had the ideal marriage. But when he lied to me again (and still is) about how much he talks to this guy friend, we got in a huge argument about it, my instincts started thinking back to how all this started and something did not feel right. I even said to him "did he use me all along to fulfill his fantasies".

Now i am thinking his idea for the voyeur website is that it eventually led to us video chatting with other members, mostly men, and my husband would want to watch them Jack themselves off while he and I would be on camera and he would be playing with me.

Right now I'm at the point I just don't feel like he is being honest with me, he keeps telling me to stop overthinking things but my instinct is usually right.