Snowquail,
   Knowing where you are weak is a strength .  
   Where do you go now?  I don't think you should rule out finding another therapist--just NOT one who is "gender affirmative" or "gender identity" but someone who advertises in women's self esteem or autonomy issues or treating trauma.  You only went one time, so wouldn't your company allow you those remaining three visits with someone else?  You can screen the person by phone before you go in order to make sure you don't waste more of your time with an idiot who is more interested in supporting someone else than helping you--and makes you feel even worse!
  I also wonder whether now that you've had your insight that you divorced without "considering ending the relationship" you might be ready to do that.  Maybe you're stuck because you are stuck; you're stuck in a "relationship" that is halfway between marriage and divorce. 
  What kind of coping skills would you like help with?  Maybe we can help.  If financial, are you taking your own Social Security?  If not, you have a claim to half of his until you take your own at 70.  (If you've been married ten years this is an option when you divorce.)  Is your house more than you need, and could you downsize by selling it and moving to a smaller, less expensive place?  
   Maybe you might also want to make a list of all the ways you're better off without him (his spendthrift ways, for example), or all the things you won't miss about him (like seeing him looking like a man in a dress or not having to experience his "personality change") , or a list of all the things you have wanted to do or learn and haven't, or places you've wanted to go and can.  Or you can write a series of letters, not meant to send, but meant only for you: one to him, one to that f**king therapist, one to your younger self, one to yourself in ten years. 
  And do something healing with your body: yoga, stretching, walking, a massage.  Whatever you find enjoyable.  After so many years being discounted as a woman you need to re-inhabit yourself and work the trauma out. 
  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 25, 2017 8:19 am)

P.S. Snowquail,
   I've been thinking about what you said about salvaging only the house and am indignant on your behalf.  You got none of the shared retirement?  You got nothing except the house?  Was it an equal trade-off or were you somehow outmaneuvered?  Was he stringing you along all those years?  If you need help accessing your anger maybe you can think about the way he left you financially after all those years of being asked to accommodate his "proclivities"!  And now he sits there twice a week all helpful and condescending and thinking such good thoughts about himself for spending time with you twice a week--or still relying on you himself!--while you are (that week) paying the bill!  Yes, we stayed, and we have ourselves to take to account for that, but you know what?  He was willing to sacrifice you and all your years of support and  partnership...and anger is an appropriate response to that.  Along with a loss of respect, if you had any left for him.
  I hope you give yourself the gift of a little well-deserved anger on your own behalf for Christmas that can propel you into a more confident New Year!

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 25, 2017 10:15 am)

The Social Security option OOHC described above changed in 2016. Here is information about the changes:

https://www.ssa.gov/planners/retire/claiming.html

I was lucky because I was old enough not to have been affected. Lots of people don't realize that the guidance on this in a lot of financial planning materials is out-of-date.