OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 - jkpeace
- Member
Offline
Over 50
Sunflower had a great idea:
"I have been thinking that for the older spouses of gay partners we are dealing with some different issues than younger people on this forum. Maybe we could start a thread about what we deal with going through TGT. Our finances now that we are in our retirement years,dealing with the betrayal problems in our later years, health issues, housing difficulties, how to move on.
I have been married for 31 years, I am now 71 years old. My children live in Ca. and Ct. So I am without family as I live in Arizona. Sometimes I feel so alone, I have friends but I think about if something happens to me. Do you think about being alone? What fears do you have?
I know there are some older people here. Should we start a thread such as this?" (From Sunflower)
Last edited by jkpeace (April 13, 2017 7:35 pm)
- Lake Breeze
- Member
Offline
Re: Over 50
JK - In addition to what you mentioned about Social Security (you can take whichever is higher, yours or half of his), you are also entitled to a widow's benefit, which would be his full amount, if you were married for at least 10 years, you are not remarried, and he predeceases you. You also do much, much better if you can hold off and take your Social Security at 70 rather than at 62 or 66. The amount increases by a significant number, the longer you can wait.
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott
- gigi
- Member
Offline
Re: Over 50
I think this is a great idea. I found out and divorced him after 45 years.
- Roo
- Member
Offline
Re: Over 50
I like this idea too! I've not seen anywhere this is posted other than here.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
- gigi
- Member
Offline
Re: Over 50
It sure seems like the original thread on this really didn't accomplish much interest..........and that is very sad for us oldies but goodies. We need it more than ever now with the horrible surprises we were faced with. Hoping we can attract more interest and involvement with this topic now.
- Sunflower
- Member
Offline
Re: Over 50
I was hoping this would have attracted more interest,there are so many older people going through this very stressful time. After 3 years separated, 1 year going through a divorce,turning 72 years old,learning so many things I never thought about. Changing the toilet flapper,car oil changes,and wrapping water pipes for winter! I realize these sound pretty silly,but they are things I never gave a thought.
I am now in such a better place in my life without living with the lying and always wondering what the problem was in my marriage. My life is calm and peaceful. I got a tattoo on the inside of my arm,it reads..
Believe...I AM ENOUGH
Serenity is the Destiny
I know that I Am Enough now. I was told without words being spoken that I wasn't enough for too long. I am now who I always was...ENOUGH.
- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: Over 50
Sunflower wrote:
Believe...I AM ENOUGH
Serenity is the Destiny
I know that I Am Enough now. I was told without words being spoken that I wasn't enough for too long. I am now who I always was...ENOUGH.
Spectacular!!!
This thread is a great idea and it will catch on and help a lot of people. Nice work my friends!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Roo
- Member
Offline
Re: Over 50
I am here and grateful for the support as I do not have any family where I live. They live many states away. The only family I have are the in-laws and that is not going to work given the situation. I'm still coming to terms with this so if I rattle on on some threads it's because I have no one else to talk to.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
- OutofHisCloset
- Member
Offline
Re: Over 50
Sunflower, in discussing all the things you've now got to think about and know how to find out how to do and then learn to do you have hit on an aspect of separation/divorce that I, too, have been struggling with. Although my husband pretty much offloaded onto me all outdoor and home maintenance chores to me, there are things he's done over the years that I don't know how to do, and that I don't know how to do them has been a factor in keeping me in the marriage longer than I'd like. He has taken care of the tech side of things, for example, and although early in the marriage I managed the money, he took that over. I've been afraid, for example, that I wouldn't have enough money (even though I have a good job and my own pension and savings in my name), and that I'd never be able to fix the tech issues when they (inevitably) arise. I decided recently to combat my fears (and my lack of skills) head on, though, because I encountered the idea of "learned helplessness." I think that concept describes my situation with respect to both these facets of life, and once I could see that I wasn't incapable of doing these things, or learning how to do and think about them, I felt much less fear and much more competent.
For me, money issues are paramount, because all of us who divorce at our stage of life have much less time to build up our finances, and we are looking at a retirement that is much less financially secure or comfortable than what we'd planned on.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 19, 2017 1:46 pm)