Kel does your husband have a brother??  I’ll take a third cousin!

Kel,  how blessed you are.   It gives us hope that we will one day meet someone normal, straight, and authentically loving.
 

That's always my intention when I tell you guys something good about him - to encourage and foster hope.  I realize that it's not kind to brag too much to people who are experiencing trials in the same area I'm bragging in.  That's just unkind.  But I want to encourage you all that it's entirely possible to have this sort of amazing happiness again - even if you never did truly have it before (I know I hadn't).  My father and brothers are all really good men - so I knew what that looked like.  That was never the problem.  I just wasn't finding a ton of that around anymore - not in men who also desired me.  So I started to lose faith that I could find him.  I figured by the age of 40 (when I was finally free again), all the good ones would be wrapped up and taken.  As they should be.  What I didn't count on was that there would be plenty of men in situations like mine - alone for one reason or another even though they are fantastic people.  Some due to being widowed, some due to being wonderful people who stayed in broken marriages for far too long.  Some who had acted poorly in their past, but who had learned valuable lessons on how to not repeat those mistakes.  All good people who just wanted what I did - to find someone they really liked to spend their time with and get to know.  To have fun, companionship and an understanding person with personality and drive.  Even if their only drive was to support their kids and pay the bills in order to keep a roof over their family's heads.  There were plenty of users and abusers out there, too.  But make no mistake - there are plenty of good people out there who would love a chance at love with a decent person like you.  One who's been around the block and has some fortitude and resilience.  They.are.out.there.

I thought that I wouldn't fit the bill for most people looking for that in another.  Because I made the mistake of thinking that they wanted what the average 21 year-old man had wanted when I was last in the dating world - a female who is in great physical shape and very good looking.  Arm candy.  Someone polished and poised that they could bring around friends and family to impress them and make him look good.  Well, I was wrong - what they were looking for in a woman was someone they were attracted to (but didn't necessarily have to be traditionally good looking) - who was clean, intelligent, and could make decent conversation and brought some unique skills to the table.  By "unique", I mean things that men in our generation value - like the ability to cook, clean, hold a conversation, have some common interests (which may be as broad as "outdoors", or "tolerates me watching football on Sundays").  I don't do ANY of these things particularly well - but I do them all fairly well.  I take care of my kids, I hold a job, I'm honest and not there to take advantage of anyone or create drama.  Someone that can show love in their actions and physically.  Someone who can be committed and faithful.  That's.IT.  I swear.

I aimed high - I didn't want any drug use, no past habitual cheating, and wasn't open to moving away from where I lived near my extended family.  I wanted someone who had at least one child, so he understood that level of commitment and wouldn't be threatened when I sometimes just had to choose what the child needed over other things.  Someone who had a similar lifestyle as me - who worked the same type of hours and was available when I was.  Someone who wasn't scared of taking the relationship all the way if that's how it worked out.  I wanted all the mandatory things, too - kind, hard-working, resilient.  I got all of those things and then everything I ever wanted on top of it.  And then stuff on top of that I didn't even know existed - like someone who was a great gift giver, someone who likes shopping (because I hate is SO much), someone who will handle all the bills, a person who is constantly looking out to make sure I'm not spreading myself too thin, or letting others take advantage of me.  I'm a very strong woman, and it's been difficult to find a man who would let me be me, and still stand up to me occasionally when need be - but not so often that I felt bullied.  I thought that would be the hardest one.  Nope!  Completely covered.

The trick is understanding how wonderful you yourself are, and getting that if YOU are available and open, then there MUST be others out there just like you.  And it's SO true.  Just be you, and go find someone who likes you JUST that way - who wouldn't change a thing about you if they could.  And you need to feel the same way about them - you need to really like who they are and respect them.  It sounds hard, but it's not.  It's there for the taking.  All around you.  Every day.

Kel