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1 - jkpeace
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PTSD
Have any of you been diagnosed, OFFICIALLY, with PTSD (as a result of having a GID spouse)? If so, what have your psychiatrists/counselors advised?
I am Not diagnosed, officially, but feel as though I have symptoms of PTSD. (Getting to a counselor is another long story...) Right now, that becomes a practical matter when it comes to children's events that both my ex and I might want to attend. I don't want to sit anywhere near him. I'm still at the stage where his presence makes me feel truly ill, although he appears to be trying to be a good dad.
Thoughts about PTSD, from anyone diagnosed?
Thoughts about attending children's events, where ex spouse may be? (We still have young children)
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: PTSD
jk,
I have not been officially diagnosed with PTSD, but I do know that the psychologist Judith Herman, in her influential book "Trauma and Recovery," redefined PTSD from a reaction to a single traumatic event to include events over time. She also extended the diagnosis from soldiers in war to abusive domestic situations. I found her book eye-opening (I grew up in a violent home and experienced sexual abuse). I would highly recommend it.
- Rob
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Re: PTSD
JK,
Hey.. I have not been officially diagnosed but every week when I see my therapist I tell her I want to move on but I have so many fears and triggers. There is this sadness that permeates everything in my life now.. You could say I diagnosed myself but even if diagnosed good luck finding a good therapist to help with it.
...
I'm reading a good book on this; Back to Life; Getting Past Your Past with Resilience, Strength and Optimism by Alicia Salzer, M.D. She seems to counsel people with PTSD or who experienced trauma. If TGT is not trauma I don't know what is (and in my case the abuse that followed was worst).
What I like about the book is , unlike other books or the forum here (sorry guys) is she talks about getting past the trauma or as she refers to it "permatrauma" by not going over what happened or re-living it. I'm bringing the book to my therapist this week and will tell her again that I want to move on from the trauma and abuse ...that she should stop me if I even so much as mention my ex or what I went through.
But that said, yeah JK I have a meeting coming up for our one kid in which my ex will be there also. I have been strictly no contact with her and it will be quite stressful having to be in the same room with her. I have to not fear this.. I'm figuring its a meeting with other people so its not like she can start screaming and swearing at me in front of everyone. I should expect bad looks. I should expect her to act all proud and righteous as she will always feel she did nothing wrong. I have not gotten too far through the book , but Dr. Salzer (the therapist I wish I had ) would say that I should not assume the worst....that the fear I feel is a natural biological thing designed to protect me but that one cannot move on if one listens to this...that fear, in this case, is really wrong and will only keep me stuck.
And she is probably right... my ex cannot possibly start raging at me in front of people. I could argue that
what I experienced was "malevolent evil" but reinforcing that (even if its true) will just keep me stuck and not being able to move on. I will try to remember this and just hope I don't start shaking..
So no ....no need for me to be officially diagnosed, I think TGT and, in my case, the abuse in getting away from it will always be a trauma ... I can either dwell on it or move on. I so want to move on.
PS. Hope you're doing ok with the kids...it sounds like you're doing really great.
Last edited by Rob (December 3, 2017 12:58 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- RW
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Re: PTSD
JK
I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. If i saw him or drove past him i would become physically ill, start shaking and have a full blown panic attack. My therapist suggested medication, so i went to a psychiatrist and was put on Effexor. The meds have helped, but I’m still stuck in the fight or flight mode. It has been very challenging, and i never know what to expect each day. Some days are good, some are bad. I’m learning to retrain my brain and i try to be positive each day. I still get extremely anxious if i see him drive past me on the rode, or see him out and about, but I’m slowly getting better. The trauma is unlike anything I’ve ever been through. One day I’ll be back to my old self again.
- Rob
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Re: PTSD
RW,
Yeah the shakes.. They go away when we are away from our spouses, TGT, abuse and have no contact. Its definitely our bodies' fight or flight mode. Its a natural biological thing our body does to protect us from harm; in this case our abusive spouses. Thing is now that I'm away from TGT that natural response does me no good in terms of moving on...I have no use for it. I hope to get better and move on from this. One thing I'm trying is realizing I'm away from her and she cannot hurt me anymore (of course she/they are still capable of infinite hurt via the kids) but day to day she has no significance in my life anymore. Its definitely hard when one experiences this trauma but we have to move on. That you/we recognize this anxiety for what it is is a good first step. Our trauma is not who we are. We do not want our it or our fear to define us. I hope to be back to my old self also. And if not back to my old self I'll be my new self. But I'll be damned if I spend the rest of my life in fear of her.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: PTSD
Hey Rob,
Did you have that meeting, and if so, how'd it go? Were you able to deny her the satisfaction of getting your goat?
- Rob
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Re: PTSD
OOHC,
Hey no meeting yet... I have to set it up...putting it off.
I talked about this with my family once about how the ex behaves when they see you...we concluded they can only act like they did nothing wrong. They cannot act any other way.. Its a real brainFK
for us ..in my case she will act for the rest of her life like I did something wrong. Whatever.. I for one have a clear conscience and in this life and the next I know I did nothing wrong. Nothing that warranted what my ex did.
No fear...guts over fear.. strong and stoic ...forward with my head held high...
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: PTSD
Rob,
I guess you've probably already asked your therapist for strategies for coping with the meeting with your x. I hope it will go well for you.
And yes, the self-certainty, accompanied by their sense of having been the ones hurt, is maddening, isn't it? One more of the little injustices that come along with the first big one.
- Tamiam
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Re: PTSD
We have been diagnosed with PTSD, and trauma based therapy has been helpful. Still working on it. I am diligently making our home into a place of peace. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: PTSD
Lynne,
Thanks for the book recommendation. I've bought it and am looking forward to reading it; the reviews on Amazon by credentialed psychotherapists have me looking forward to it with optimism.