I mean I have no problem if someone is honest and asks to open the marriage in some way.  It gives the spouse a choice about their own lives.  The spouse can then decide to either agree to this or choose to divorce.  This is sad, but honest adult behavior.
Assholes who want to hide in a straight Marriage and have their cake and eat it too do not deserve any sympathy regardless of their inner struggles.

Ellexoh,
I totally understand how you feel.  But you control your world and it’s axis.  I know its hard to wrap your mind around it but it’s true.  If it ever becomes more than you can stand or want, you are well within your rights to leave. 
Of course that is easier said than done.  You love him, I love my husband too.  Sometimes love  isn’t enough without trust and honesty.
Some change their definitions of what marriage means to them.  Ethical monogamy and such.  It’s up to each individual to decide what they are willing to accept.
I personally feel the only unconditional love that exists is between parent and child.  All other relationships have conditions that need to be met in order to be viable.  Honesty and respect are at the top of the list.

Once again, Majenco, I second what you've said.
And Ellexoh, my husband is also in a period of deep sixing things.  He's declared he's sorry he ever told anyone about his autogynephilia.  But he's also said that nothing has changed, and I know he's just operating in stealth.  It's definitely a way to have his cake (the comforts and services and cover I provide) while eating it, too, both in the perks of maleness that he receives every day, and indulging himself in private.  That he would think this is ok is so narcissistic.  (or, as Lynne would have it, "asshole-ish")  
  And yes, Majenco is right; we are perfectly within our rights to say "Not going to take it anymore."  Which is why I'm planning my exit.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (November 26, 2017 7:46 pm)

Did he commit to a monogamous relationship with you? If yes, then going outside of those constraints is called CHEATING - plain and simple.  It doesn't matter if it's straight, bi, or gay.  He's betraying you.  There is no good reason to do so.  If he doesn't want to be with you any more because you're not enough for him, then fine - he can leave.  Then he's completely free to pursue sex with other women, men, or cantaloupes.  But while he's married to you, and you demand that he remain faithful to you and only you, then none of his labels matter whatsoever.  If he considers himself straight but keeps having sex with other men, it matters little what his sexuality is self-labeled as.  I'd label him as a CHEATER.

If the two of you had previously struck a deal of monogamy and he now wants to change that and you don't, then you're at an impasse.  This labeling BS is just a trick to get you to look in the wrong direction.  It's like getting run over by a car and trying to make the issue about whether the tires were snow tires or whitewalls.  WHO CARES???  You're lying on the ground bleeding.  What you need at this point is to remove yourself from harm's way, and to do damage control on yourself.  NOT to figure out who the manufacturer of the tires is.

Is he committed to you, or not?  Can he remain faithful?  If not, then it's a moot point whether he's straight, bi, gay or a unicorn.

Kel

Last edited by Kel (November 26, 2017 9:38 pm)

“Ethical non-monogamy“ is a great term that encompasses all the ways that you can consciously, with agreement and consent from all involved, explore love and sex with multiple people.”

I’m not saying I agree with it but that’s what some are into.  If all consent then have at it.
I agree with Kel, he cheated end of story.  Who cares why and with whom?

Last edited by majenco (November 26, 2017 9:48 pm)