You need to find somebody to confide in. You're so young! and won't have the life experience a 59 year 
old like me has. As a first step can you see your doctor and ask about counselling?
You need a warm hug too

Welcome Jblogger. 

We all wish we could go back to age 22 to find out the truth so that we could start over and have such a long and full life ahead of us.  BUT.. that doesn't make the experience any easier for you.  

It sounds like this man is the only love you've know..   Since age 13..  wow!  You've grown up together and had a child together.  Now he drops this bombshell on you.   I'm sure the pain is intense.  You planned to have a life together and now your future is shattered. 

I'll offer a couple bits of advice to you. 
-If you need to confide in a friend or family member to help you get through this hard time, you have the right to do that.  You don't have to keep his secret.  It's something he's likely known for a long time and finally had the courage to come out with.  But the impact on your life is extreme as well, and you deserve to have someone to talk to about it.  We are here for you, of course, but having someone to speak with directly is best. 
- Take it a day at a time.  The emotional impact is a real shock to the system.  You will likely feel many emotions and they are hard to deal with.  Know in advance that it's a roller-coaster.. some days are worse than others, but there is always a better day ahead.  

Jblogger1 wrote:

Thanks so much for your reply. One of my friends actually told me to find a forum like this, so here I am. Yep 13, he’s all I’ve ever known. We were saving for a mortgage, we had our whole lives planned out that’s what I don’t understand the most.

It's very hard to understand because we don't share the inner conflict that a GID (Gay In Denial) person experiences. 

I have an understanding of their psyche based on what I've learned from many conversations and reading and especially from a forum member named Sean (who was a GID man married to a woman).   I'll share a little bit with you to help gain some understanding and perspective.  I'm not trying to defend your guy.. just trying to help you understand a bit. 

It seems like most human being begin to understand their sexual attraction around age 12/13, when they start to hit puberty.  Most of us believe that sexual attraction is hard-wired into a person and not a choice.  For the minority of people who find themselves attracted to the same sex, life gets difficult right away at this stage.  They start to realize they are different than most of their friends.  Our society is becoming more accepting of gay people, but it's still dangerous and risky to admit your homosexuality.  You open yourself up to hate and condemnation.  So, at that extremely vulnerable age, most people with a same-sex attraction learn to hide it.  They start to fabricate a world of lies to protect themselves.  Many try to become straight.. they think if they date the opposite sex they will learn to be straight and develop an attraction.  As they get older they get better at lying about who they are.  Many GID people who don't feel they can come out will build an entire life around this lie, which includes getting married and having a family with a straight person.  Some GID people go their entire life and never admit the truth.  With society becoming more open, the likelihood of them coming out is now greater.  They might feel safer and chose to come out, or they might meet an fall in love with another gay person and have that facilitate them coming out.  When they do finally come out, the ones in a relationship leave the other party in an awful state.  WE (the straight spouse) are the baggage left behind.  Society embraces the courage and pats the newly "out" person on the back and praises them for being authentic.  Meanwhile we are left in the shadows trying to pick up the pieces of our lives.  We have to sift through the ashes of our hopes and dreams.  We are left to deal with the realization that we were lied to and never really knew the person we pledged our loves and our lives to.  

I can't speak for your mate.  I don't know him or his situation, but I can assume his story is similar to the above.  He probably thought he could become straight and he would learn to be happy.  He thought that becoming a father and planning a life together with you would be enough to make him satisfied and get over his same sex attraction (SSA).  But, clearly he has realized now that this is not the case.  His SSA hasn't gone away.. it's only intensified.  I'm sure he does love you, but you are not able to satisfy that hard-wired animal instinct in all of us.  So he's admitting his SSA with you.  Some admit that they have known since they were young, but most tell us they "just found out", because it makes it seem like they haven't been dishonest with us.  Either way, at least he's telling you now rather than you finding out the hard way by catching him cheating later. 

I know it feels like you are lost right now.  I was lost for a long time.  But we are not lost forever.  We heal in time.  We learn to regain trust.  We find ourselves in a unique position to truly understand love and feel joy.  A person who has never known devastation and abject pain doesn't know how to truly appreciate genuine happiness and authentic and real love.  We are never happy that we had to endure the hardship, but the lessons learned allow us to experience happiness in a better way. 


You will get there too!   I want you to see some optimism in the midst of your pain.  You have a long and hard road ahead as you rebuild your life and your dreams.. but you will do that and we are here to help you. 

Have you looking into finding a face-to-face SSN support group?    It can be so helpful to find real people to talk to:
http://www.straightspouse.org/test/face2face-support-groups/


Stick around and tell your story, ask questions, share your emotions and ask for advice and help.  That is what we are here for.