My husband has always been extremely homophobic and makes so many jokes regarding men's genitals, our older boys want cock meat sandwiches, etc, etc to the point of it gets ridiculous and embarrassing to his family. He's always had a multitude of friends that are females but just friendship then 18 months ago he got caught making out with our neighbor who's the female. He started drinking 9 years ago when I was pregnant with our daughter then it became excessive since then. He also started looking at cuckold porn. Over the past 9 years he has become an alcoholic which even he admits. He is destroying his construction company,  he looks at only white woman with 2 or more guys in porn.    18 months ago when I caught him in the backyard he told me it was a big mistake caused by alcohol and they were just friends she was also my friend at the time. Then I would find throwaway cell phones multiple ones over the last year-and-a-half and he kept talking to her and get happily excited when he would say things like you'd marry me and she would say yes they even talked about having a child together. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me when he's drunk calls me horrible names even has called our children's names. Where I'm confused is a week and a half ago he was extremely drunk I walked in on him in the bathroom with yet another cell phone he swore up and down he wasn't talking to her and then after me begging him to let me see the phone and him refusing he looked at me for a brief moment with an angry look and said I think I'm gay he then proceeded to yell at me and call me names for 45 minutes get very angry and then drove off getting a DUI totaling his truck and taking out power poles. I asked him the next day when he got out of jail if he remembers what he told me he doesn't remember anything even driving off he said what are you talking about I said you told me you thought you were gay. Immediately in a normal tone I'm not gay no way in hell am I gay. He was sexually abused once raped as a child he did go to prison for 8 years and I've always suspected something wasn't right. He doesn't like to have sex he doesn't like to kiss he does like oral sex and he request me to have anal sex as well as he would love to have a threesome with me and two guys. He has admitted but he has never had sex with the female Neighbor, but she did perform oral sex on him. I don't know if he's ever been with a male, he definitely would never admit it.  I caught him with another phone 3 nights ago and when I walked in he said oh baby girl very sad like and then said I don't want you to see the porn I look at. He told me the phone wasn't activated and only uses it for internet, which hasn't been the case before.  Now I'm confused why did he have an affair with a woman, why does he still love her and miss her, why does he say he loves me I'm his best friend and only wants to be with me, he can't imagine his life without me?   Could he be living a lie and he is gay?