jkpeace....thank you.  Which 8 years?  The first 8 years after I left were a growth time for me.  Plenty of focus in building my new life.  We had been together for 9 years before we got married and had all of the same college friends, so it was like leaving an old life in many ways and was incredibly sad.  I had to leave, though.  I had to physically and emotionally remove myself from all the lies and hatred he was spewing.  His story to everyone as to why I left our marriage was laughable.  I was willing to take the hits (and they kept on coming), because I knew eventually his lies would catch up with him.   As for me, walking away, but still being who I was, was probably the toughest thing.  
By that I mean, when friends asked what happened, I came up with a great line, "I was too much woman for him.".  I never expanded that comment, I never clarified.  Years later, it would make sense to them.  I never told people he was gay.  I never told people about my pain.  So it was a lonely time.  I carried it around inside for 3 years, stayed in therapy, and during that time only told 1 person, my best friend.  She was a tremendous support.   Eventually, as I became stronger, I told friends if it was appropriate to tell them.  Attending large events like weddings and funerals was interesting.....some people knew, some people didn't.  I never had to say a thing, and he and his partner moved out of state so he never really interacted with our college friends much after that.  
The 8 years (I left in 2001, he began telling people in 2009) where his secret was his, were some of the hardest times in my life.  I had to leave his telling to him.  Not because he asked me to, but because it was HIS to tell.  I didn't do anything.  I didn't lie.  I didn't cheat.  I was just his wife, and then I wasn't.  And I did choose to leave, for my own survival.  Eventually that spoke for his weakness and my strength.    I think the hardest day of those 8 years was his mother leaving me a gift on my front porch with a note asking if she could see me sometime (after I left he told his family I didn't want to see them (another lie)).    I called her to say hello and she asked, "Is my son a fairy?"  So painful and horrible mostly because that isn't my belief system, and also because I could hear the pain in her voice.  Most painful is that this woman, who thought I didn't want to see her and whom I loved like a second mother, was begging for the truth, and I had to send her to her son.  All I could say was that I loved and missed her, and she had to ask him if she wanted to know about his life. 
I used my energy in lots of other ways, other than hating him.  I volunteered at an LGBT teen shelter, knowing that if my ex-hubby was allowed some space to be who he was, that I likely wouldn't be in the situation I found myself in.  I found it incredibly rewarding.  I took extra jobs, to buy things for my home, and go on trips that I'd always wanted to go on.  I started my quest to visit all 50 states before I turned 50 (happy to say I only have 6 left, and 4 years to go!), and I began to love my life for what it was and who I was in it.  

There's hope, everyone.  Take time for you.  You're so very worth it.  

Thanks for the message...it does give me hope.

My husband moved out yesterday morning (of course with the kids I did still see him today) but it's for the best...I just couldn't start to move forward with him in the house and constantly having anxiety about what he was doing and who he was talking to. he really thinks that we will be best friends and wants that so bad because we have been each other's best friend for over 14 years. When I am away from him I think that one day we will be able to be friends again but when I see him all the pain and anger comes rushing at me! I know it's only been 3 weeks since the big reveal but it's just so hard to wrap my head around all of this.