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1 of 1- StraightSpouse'sProgress
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Not the Place I Expected to Find Myself
After sharing a bit of my story, I wanted to provide just a little more here so that replies can be posted. I learned an awful lot about childhood trauma as I went through recovery, and I'm pretty sure my spouse's coming out and trauma work would have been too much for me if I were still in the fog of compulsive behavior, so I am grateful to be in that place for myself at the very least.
I've listened to a few episodes of the Our Voices podcast (and probably staying up a bit too late doing so), and it wasn't until being in this situation did it occur to me that it could happen. Like I said in my story post, it's been very difficult because there was practically no way for me to know my spouse was at least bisexual, nor did she, and with the reason why she didn't know being due to deeply suppressed childhood trauma and religious trauma. Being in this state of limbo for over a year quite frankly sucks, to put it mildly. I care very deeply about her, and there's a lot about our relationship that is good, and we're having a very difficult time on figuring out what to do. Neither of us want to separate, and if we did, there'd be financial challenges on top of that, since she's a stay-at-home mother, and I work full-time.
I wish these circumstances weren't so uncertain, but I want to keep holding on to hope we can make things work.
- gracefulwife
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Re: Not the Place I Expected to Find Myself
This is me. But in reverse. However, We are seeking the counsel of a Gottman therapist which we have had our first session and the Gottman questionaire and this coming thursday we have our individual one on one sessions with the therapist and then after that is the reveal of our sessions and questionaire and then we begin the real hard work.
- freedmyself
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Re: Not the Place I Expected to Find Myself
Hi SSP,
I read your story on the Our Stories thread. It's a lot for you to each have your own individual trauma to be working through in addition to her emerging sexual identity.
It seems like it would be enormously stressful to be wondering every day whether your wife's interest in straight sex is going to return, and whether or not you're going to stay together. It also seems like the trauma wounds are so deep that it's going to take a while for each of you to feel like you're on your way toward healing.
Your post here says that neither of you want to separate. What if you & your wife decided that, at least for the six months or year (or some other time period), you were going to stay together and then re-evaluate on X date? It might take the pressure off of the day to day evolution, and allow you to each focus on your own healing.