Mine weren't teenagers, early twenties, but I don't believe it has anything to do with age, I think it's all about the r'ship between child and parent. Any news like this should be given in an age-appropriate manner anyway.
Tell me...do your girls use social media? Do they have a close group of friends. Today's teenagers are more aware of the world than parents think. They simply don't often have the skills to verbalise and express how they feel about it.

And there's no way to soften this news. Be there for your girls, be there for every question they ask. Let them see your vulnerability. We keep the private, intimate parts of our parenthood away from our children because it's not relevant, but in the case of a father coming out the news will change the family dynamic. And that is relevant.

Elle

Hi Lauren,

I'm so sorry for you!

Our situation was different, but we spoke to the kids early on - about 3 months post-disclosure. At the time, I wasn't sure if we were going to stay together, but I was committed to try and promised the kids their lives won't change for at least 12 months and that we will give it our best to figure things out.

Because my husband's bisexuality wasn't accompanied by the news of divorce, kids took it extremely (and surprisingly) well.

In your situation, you can soften the blow for your girls, by presenting a united front with your husband. I am not saying you have to do it! If it hurts too much, just do the best you can do in this situation...

I think the usual "we are getting divorced, but we still love you, we are still a team and it's not your fault" script would work for you.

While I would be transparent (dad realised he is attracted to men rather than women), I wouldn't centre the conversation around his sexuality.

Also, sadly, don't expect kids to feel much of your pain related to his sexuality. That is for you to work through with your therapist, friends, family, etc.

To most kids, parents are asexual beings. They just won't fully understand what's a big deal in him "not desiring you that way". They will understand infidelity and betrayal, but it's up to you whether this is something you want them to know about their farther. It's honest, but not necessarily the best for them - I could argue either side on this one - so it'll be up to you to decide.

This is so so hard, I'm sorry! I hope you're over this soon and starting to heal.

Hi Lauren, 

My kids were in their early twenties when my GXH came out - I imagine the ages of your daughters makes the conversation more difficult. 

Reading between the lines, I'm assuming that you're getting a divorce, and that your husband is publicly coming out.  Apologies if I got that wrong. 

In your conversations with your kids, you might consider letting them know that each of them will have her own unique experience and feelings about what is going on.  They might not have the same opinions regarding their dad, and they might not have the same opinion as you.  If you normalize that difference, it might make it easier for them to bring their feelings to you and not feel the need to judge their sister for a different point of view.  It also might help to talk about the likelihood that how they feel will shift and change as the process moves along.  

Because my community is small, I made sure that I told my kids before I told my friends, so they heard the news first, from me.  As the divorce progressed, I continued to tell them what was going on before I shared it elsewhere. 

There's something else I'd like to share, and I hope you will not consider it overstepping, since your question was only about how to tell your kids. 

It took me almost a year to get in touch with my anger.  It's really easy, especially in a pro-LGBT community, to wave the rainbow flag and celebrate the bravery of the person coming out and being their true self.  It took a while for me to marinate in the reality of the lying, cheating, and gaslighting before I understood the damage I'd sustained at the hands of the person I trusted the most.  

For the closeted spouse, their coming out is the resolution of their inner turmoil, and the beginning of yours.   Do your best to take care of yourself - this is a rough, rough experience to go through.