"..My wife had set boundaries with the woman she had affair with (blocked everywhere on social media, no communication.), and has promised that she will stay in the monogamous..."

But wasnt that the basic tenet of marriage?    What proofs can she provide that she will keep her promises this time?     We love them but they hurt us...   I used to think my strong fierce love could keep the marriage together....till  it couldnt..  it did not matter how much I loved her or what I did.   (apprarently the gay sex was so great that it trumped decades of friendship, kids etc.).   Somehow the years I was enjoying being married were simply years of resentment building up in her.         I realize I'm biased but I  worrry you'll be here years later watching the kids  and wondering if shes out shopping with a friend or having sex.   You should never have to wonder or suspect or snoop.   A healthy marriage is complete, absolute  trust in ones spouse and I just don't see how yours can have that now. 

Wishing you strength and self compassion..

Thank you all for your advice. Another thing shocked me was that my wife broke up with the woman without any mercy (mostly because my wife thought the presence of that woman violate my wife's normal life). If she did this once, whether she will do the same thing to me one day.

After she regret coming out and wanted to be back home, she did a lot to nourish the marriage. I was wondering if she did these because her guilt or because she really love me?