Give it some time and focus on yourself, not on the next relationship. If you are doing therapy, keep at it. If the gym helps, that's great. I think you are correct in that this would eventually have happened. Take a small step each day. Wishing you well.

Hey Dashu, I'm so sorry to hear your pain. I think I may have been one of the Redditors that replied to you.

It is normal for straight men to feel emasculated and feminized when we find out our partners are more attracted to woman than to us. Many of us feel like we were used, just a prop in their quest to be "normal" in the eyes of their community. Why would they choose to be with us if they really wanted a woman? Were we a "close enough" option for them? Was it something about us that made them choose to turn away from men, and run into the arms of women? Were all those fights really just a series of attacks on my manliness?

These thoughts are normal, but they are also false and unhealthy. I urge you to not let them eat you up. The simple fact that you did not choose to leave the relationship at the first sign of trouble tells me that you are a strong, quality man.

You are not weak. You are in a moment of internal pain and self-doubt, and probably trying to hide your pain from those around you. Find some close friends or family to confide in, and let them build you up. Even superheroes need somebody to believe in them, and remind them who they are, from time to time. We are only human.

For your own self-care, continue to do what you are doing. You are a good person, and I encourage you to nurture those qualities through counseling and physical activity. If you have not already started building a new skill or putting time into a hobby, I would encourage you to do that as well. 

You don't have to continue to invest emotion into a person that will never return them in the way that you need. Save those emotions for yourself, until you find somebody worthy of them. 

Hang strong, friend. We are all on your side.
 

Dashu, of course it is difficult, these are hard feelings and you can't just walk over them, they're real.

I found my anger to be the thing that really helped me get through everything that needed to happen to achieve a divorce.  I'm not quite sure why your mother is still seeing this woman, it seems an added hurt to me - have you told her the truth?  I would have thought she would be angry on your behalf and for herself - romantic betrayals hurt all the family.

 

You do mention feeling angry in your post.  It is only natural to feel angry at being deceived - why didn't she tell you she was a lesbian at the start, why wait til now - it's shocking and painful.

Dashu, in terms of self esteem you have been taken to the cleaners, we know what it feels like here, we are a sympathetic group.

! was grateful for my family support.  I didn't want to talk about it with them but it felt good knowing they had my back.

There's running stitch and there's back stitch.  Running stitch will hold the fabric together temporarily but it takes back stitch to make a solid seam.  And that's what happens - our heart needs to mend so we spend time thinking through the past as well as moving into the future.  It just happens, with time, time will come when you are over her.  Physical exercise - I was in my late 50's, I walked and swam - it helps a lot.  I think maybe that's all you need to do, if at all possible walking in the forest is just amazing.