Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Thank you all. I don't know where I'd be without this Forum

He looked at me when I said "I've been to a lawyer. I want to separate" and said "I thought this is a conversation you and I would have" as my son sat looking awkward. My son said "I know you've been having problems" then looked at me "and you've confided in me too" Which would have come as a shock to his father. 
It's not all 'out on the table' yet. I still have 2 of my children to tell, which I'll do today. 
I  feel numb. Like I've walked through a door and found myself in a place that's foreign to me. The one thing that I keep hearing in my head is "you can't go back now"

E

Yeah, it is foreign and weird feeling, but good job, you got the hardest step out of the way! It isn't easy, but so much better. 

W10J wrote:

....Yeah, it is foreign and weird feeling, but good job, you got the hardest step out of the way! It isn't easy, but so much better. 

 

Numb. I'm still numb but that is to my benefit because it stops me from thinking I've made the wrong move.

You know Forum...my partner hasn't said one single word about this. How fucked up is that! It's like he had to acknowledge it when our son was in the room but since then nothing. I told my daughter yesterday and she was here when he came home from work. Nothing was said by either re the elephant in the room. My sister said "people don't like hearing bad things about people they love" So true!
I'm on holiday (by myself) in 2 days and I'll leave him with some info on Collaborative or Combative ways to handle this. But once again....it's me doing all the talking, me doing all the emotional work on this.

He'll be thinking heaps, maybe reading up on stuff but not talking to anybody. Fuck!!!

E


 

Elle,

Hang in there...  He is , this you know,  thinking, processing, plotting..   He probably has no words or lies he can think of yet    I would just stay the course...stick to all your routines.. keep things as normal and the same as possible   ...at least that was what I did..  I was kind as I always had been.    it was a "dont provoke or poke the bear" strategy but also routines kept me grounded  giving some sense of control of my life.       

Know that once you officially file in the courts (at least where I am) there has to be an end..

 

Elle - I agree with Rob. Stay the course and continue with what you want. Everyone is going to process the news differently. Do you think leaving the information on Collaborative or Combative ways will poke the bear?  You know your partner better than us, but is he going to look at the information as helpful? My GID husband was officially served with our Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) a week ago. It's been difficult for both of us and a little more hostility than usual that we both are trying to manage. But he hasn't said much about the MSA and I'm no longer asking. I figure I'll have my Attorney take care of the follow-up if he hasn't responded by next Friday.  I'll give him space to process the information. 

E - I'm so happy for you! I know that's a good feeling to finally have the conversation! You only get one life and YOU are not going back! Celebrate the steps you have made while you are on holiday! Enjoy!