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- Abby
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Catch your breath and relax. It has been a long journey so take your time settling in. You've earned it..
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Rob
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
An big e-hug for you Elle. Safe that is a good word to describe it.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Y'know...I had years of feeling something was wrong, then knowing something definitely wasn't right, then an internal tornado of uncertainty, confusion and dread about my future. And gathering strength, resources and support...but then more indecision. Should I? Stay? Go?.
Now I've gone, left for a new life I still have the sparks of uncertainty and dread. It's a big world out there, and life is not as easy any more
Just my thoughts as I sit in the sun on a cool morning. I sent a budget of to my lawyer this morning at her request. What do I know about budgeting! Oh I did it okay but realised my life is scaled right down now, it's a good thing I have such a frugal outlook on life
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Sigh!
I received an email from A. last night. I'd sent him a text about a text *I* had received re the rental we were living in so was relaying some info and that was all. I had expected to get a confirmation "thanks for that" response.
Instead I got an enquiry into my health, how was the move, do I have what I need.....maybe some space will be good, maybe we can reassess in awhile....wtf!
It completely threw me. I've spent the last 6 years deliberating, anxious, going back and forth between "I can't do this and "I have to do something!" and he does this....
I'm not going back. After taking this step forward and away...doesn't he realise?
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- lily
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Hi Elle,
I'm not much of a spender either, it is a good way to be. It takes a few years to get used to living on your own but it does happen and down the road I've ended up finding there's a lot to like in it.
Sounds like he doesn't want to complete the separation process and just wants to keep it hanging, is there a financial aspect to it he doesn't like?
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
lily wrote:
......Sounds like he doesn't want to complete the separation process and just wants to keep it hanging, is there a financial aspect to it he doesn't like? ...
I don't know! He did say he thought when I became eligible for Superannuation at 65 that we'd be in enough of "a good financial position" that we could buy a house. So obviously he has been thinking more about finances and getting ahead than my own personal reasons for separating which have nothing to do with money....edited to add some of these...!@#$%^&
There's a lot to reply to in his email. I just don't know if it's worth it. I think though I will draft a reply and just leave it sitting so I can reread it and ruminate on sending it
E
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (June 15, 2023 6:35 pm)
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Ellle,
Short, terse, on topic answers are best.. it takes a while to learn as its not how we talk to those that dont hurt us.
ie.. how was the move and how are you..and this and that and that? Move was fine.
If there are financial matters you think need to be discussed...try to gauge which one is important and worth it.. I can hold a brief text exchanges now with her on the kids school finances.. Always on topic with no implied insults etc.. its a sad thing but works.
Any other kind things such as ".., maybe we can reassess in awhile....".. can be considered..."glimmers of affection". They are too little, too late, and are simply hints of normality . Even if true I found it can only lead to hurt. In your case the ", maybe we can reassess in awhile...." hints of arrogance, ignorance? a general oblivion and disregard of what he did to you. Any reply to that would simple get you lame and hurtful excuses of flawed morality .. A normal person you could reply to.. but not these spouses.. crickets are best..
Last edited by Rob (June 16, 2023 8:12 am)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Blackie563
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Rob is absolutely spot on. I do the same with my ex wife. So much is similar. She would not sign the papers after 3 separate negotiations and then tries to claim I am dragging it out. over the past 6 months, I give very short responses and nothing more. She will say "I am so frustrated about blah blah" my reply is "When will you be here with the kids?" I do not engage in any of her emotional baggage or attempts to engage as if I am her friend or her to support her. She can find that from her current partner, but suspect she is not getting it hence the need from me. I refuse.
I echo all of Rob's comments, it does take time, not to take the bait, etc. No is a complete sentence and so is a non response. Be strong, prioritize you.