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September 21, 2022 8:53 am  #1


TV Shows

Just wondering if anyone else has noticed this, or I'm being hypersensitive. 

I have been binge watching different TV shows (I like the medical dramas, Station 19, stuff like that).

I had to stop one series entirely because I just couldn't take it anymore. In it, the one characters dad's long lost lover surfaces. Basically he was married for like 40 years but turns out he had a secret man on the side. He couldn't tell his wife, because he loved her so much and didn't want to hurt her *eye roll*. So instead, he cheated on her for decades. Makes perfect sense. Had this been a one of episode I could have just skipped it....but it ended up being dragged on and on and the whole thing was about being gay in denial and becoming your true self. Ends up with the wife getting dementia and then he went on to be his "true self" and was finally happy (and put his demented wife in a home and lovingly visited her every day)

Another series. The guys dad dies. They're at the funeral....and *surprise* his male lover shows up at the funeral and talks to the kid. They end up sitting down and having this great heart to heart and he learns all about his dad and who he actually was. Meanwhile the grieving widow is just burying this liar and cheater in the ground crying.

I have a really hard time believing that the general public would support a show where a husband puts his wife in a home and then goes and lives his best life with his mistress that he had been cheating on her with for several decades. Like, is the guy seen as a hero in this or a scumball? 

What about a mistress showing up at the guys funeral? Would the kids and grieving widow just accept her with open arms and all have a big share along? Would the grieving wife and kids be expected to accept this mistress with open arms?

I'm curious if anyone else has seen this rising trend in shows? It just sort of ruins the show for me. Like, these straight spouses are always in the dark and chumps. And no one bats an eye. I just want a show I can watch that doesn't remind me of my messed up situation and celebrate these disgusting behaviours.

On that note, anyone have any good medical type dramas to watch (I am currently binge watching ER)?

 

September 21, 2022 1:09 pm  #2


Re: TV Shows

It is more prevalent in shows now... Netflix I think having the most.   I can say gay couples do not bother me in any show but I still find ones where a person goes both ways triggering.  I think its to be expected  based on all we've been through.
 


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

September 21, 2022 1:47 pm  #3


Re: TV Shows

To be fair if my wife would've not been raised in such a homophobic environment I would've not ended in this mindfuck.

So I don't mind at all visibilization if it helps avoiding situations like ours

 

September 21, 2022 2:12 pm  #4


Re: TV Shows

I should clarify...not the same sex couple part. That I could care less about when it's portrayed as a healthy relationship. I'm talking about the double standard.

Like, where the main character has a secret man on the side and everyone celebrates him being himself and yet being so loving for his wife (like I said....in the one show he literally cheats on his wife for decades, then puts her in a home and moves his male lover in. But everyone talks about how amazing he is and how loving because he still visits his wife every day. This was a multi-episode plot and development. I could be wrong....but I just can't see it having the same feeling if he cheated with another woman and moved her in after putting his wife in a home. I can't see anyone celebrating his love for his wife then or congratulating him on truly finding himself....it just seems like such a double standard.)

I've just had a number of shows now that actually seem to celebrate the not straight partner treating his/her spouse like dirt. I'm just wondering if this is a new phenomena? Or is this how society actually views us? Like.....it's just great we got discarded and walked on cuz now the non-straight spouse can be themselves!

I have no issues with same sex relationships anywhere, when they're healthy and someone isn't getting cheated on, lied to, or whatever. I feel like the standards should be the same. Same sex or hetero. Hopefully that makes sense?

     Thread Starter
 

September 21, 2022 5:43 pm  #5


Re: TV Shows

I have had to leave the room because of this exact thing. I know that I’m probably just hyper aware of it since it has happened to me. I do agree that discarding the straight spouse and not addressing the immense damage done is a travesty. I don’t think that’s the way people who really know someone to whom this has happened see us, but I think it’s very easy for those who don’t to jump on the “celebrate them living their truth” and “they are so courageous” bandwagon without ever considering those of us left behind to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives.

 

September 21, 2022 5:58 pm  #6


Re: TV Shows

I posted a thread a couple months ago about this very issue.  I pointed out several examples including links where the straight spouse experience is repeatedly reduced to a punchline.

Not even dramatic portrayals, but literally making a joke out of the straight spouse experience.

There is an AppleTV+ show called Schmigadoon in which a straight wife unironically sings a whole song about her closeted husband.  Also, there was a SNL skit called “Oops, I married a lesbian”

Here is the thread where you will find links:

https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic_mobile.php?id=2841

This kind of media depiction doesn’t help at all. After everything we have already suffered, we are literally the butt of jokes.  The identify-with-LGBTQIA-people-at-all-costs mentality in the media is very damaging.

Last edited by Victo (September 21, 2022 5:59 pm)

 

September 22, 2022 8:53 am  #7


Re: TV Shows

yes it's horrible isn't it.  I think it probably says something about who is picking the scripts, who is writing the scripts - they are not straight.

 

September 22, 2022 2:19 pm  #8


Re: TV Shows

Media makers avoid complex narratives like the plague.  There is a sense that complexity equals commercial death.  They think audiences don’t want and can’t handle nuance and complexity so they go for blowing up the Death Star at the end of every commercial, tv show and movie.

In this black and white world of media, executives are deeply afraid of making LGBTQ people into any kind of bad guy - for risk of getting their careers canceled.

So we end up with poisonous stories about LGBTQ triumph at the expense of common decency and actual understanding.  The ends seem to always justify the means for LGBTQ characters in the media.

 

September 22, 2022 7:33 pm  #9


Re: TV Shows

yes times have changed.  I always keep an eye on advertising - I reckon that is the best indicator of the demographic here in Australia and recently it has changed - they are using Asians to carry the message rather than adding one somewhere.  and changed again, now lesbians are the story line - we see an ad for bed sheets and it is two women making up the bed.

I can appreciate that it is good for women to get included in the male dominated careers as it opens up a pathway for the women who want to pursue them and though they are happy to point out they are stronger than some men, they don't ever say they are stronger than some women.  

The old fashioned notions of women being the weaker sex and men being able to lift the heavy loads is true of me.  
 

 

October 19, 2022 10:33 am  #10


Re: TV Shows

Yes, I cannot sit through these types of TV portrayals either. They sink into my mind and torment me. It’s appalling that the double standard is fed to us! Like they’re setting up my kids’ generation to be treated this way if they’re targeted by a person like our spouses.

I love the American Office. I used to laugh at the Angela storyline with the gay husband. Obviously, can’t watch those episodes again!! I love Angels and Jenna’s podcast about the show and was dreading that part. So I actually wrote them to say this is a real, life-altering thing that many of us suffer through. I asked them to be very sensitive in those episodes. I think they would anyway, but it felt good to advocate for us. I’ll listen to the first one in that storyline and see if it’s OK.

 

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