Sex isn't supposed to be "endured" or "tolerated".  If he can't bend his sexual desires to match yours, what makes him believe you can bend yours to match his?  

I know it's all too easy for me to sit here and tell you this guy is NOT going to be worth it -- ever -- but you have all the information you need.  

I told him last night that I would not ever be using the motor bunny. I thought I was going to throw up, I was so anxious. But he took it in stride..... Thank goodness.

I agree there is a sex addiction going on in his world. And fetishes, for sure. I also know that you can't have a healthy relationship when there is addiction of ANY kind going on. I'm glad he will be going to counselling; he should have done it years ago, but some are slow to seek healing.

I AM talking to two close girlfriends about what is going on, even though he asked me to keep everything between us. I need support in this. Thank you, everyone, for the support.

I feel better today. I can stand strong in my boundaries. And I do love him, and I also love him enough to let him go if need be, with love. So that gives me strength, removes any fear.

I will see him through some counselling, while honouring myself. And I do have ptsd from work trauma, and one thing ptsd taught me is that my emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health MUST come first in my life. I will protect my health, first and foremost.

This is all a blessing. He needs to be at peace with himself, and I hope counselling helps him get some clarity. And I'm at peace, now, with myself. I've worked hard to get there, and I know my boundaries and will honour them.

Thanks again for all the comments and advice. I'm grateful for the support. Best.

Nita Jalkanen wrote:

....My boyfriend has a room in his house dedicated to recreational sex.  A play room.  He also spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a motor bunny.... I've tried it; it was painful.  He keeps going on about me trying it again.....even though I've told him it hurts.  It is a thorn in his side.......

As soon as you realise you're a prop in this 'recreational room' and that you will only have value to your boyfriend (you're 55, he's 56....you're both too old for that label surely) as long as you're compliant to his sexual fantasies....you may find the will/strength/frustration to admit that this is something you don't want in your life and cut all contact with him. 
As for "seeing him through counselling"....really? That may just suck you back in to his mind-sex-games because that's what he's playing

Elle

OMG Nita I looked up motor bunny on incognito. Good grief.  Not for amateurs. Its hardcore.  This man is way into weird. Especially if he was operating it, it hurt you, and he didn't care.

And you were so scared of telling him no to that freakazoid machine you almost threw up. Classic sign of an unhealthy power dynamic. Your boundaries are being trampled not respected. The appropriate boundary with this guy is NO CONTACT.

You are setting yourself up for more PTS if you stay with him.
His mental health was f*cked way before you came along and a few visits to a psychologist isn't going to fix that.   

Why make him your problem - haven't you got better things to do with your time than be scared and worried about a guy who wants you to have sex with a machine?

Thank you, everyone.  You have given me a lot to think about.