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January 24, 2022 7:30 pm  #21


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

LMM I'm so sorry.  Its very clear, isn't it, from his response to your cuddly moment, that he wants to have other sexual partners besides you and will continue withholding (a form of abuse) until you agree. Very selfish and manipulative.

You are right - you are not responsible for his issues. Adults take responsibility for their own issues.

Its great you spoke to your relative and she was so supportive and encouraging of you. Millions of people have left bad marriages, got jobs and successfully raised children alone. Think about it for a minute - maybe you have raised your children virtually alone already if he was uninterested and unattached to them.  See if you can find one or two other friends or family you might be able to confide in and look to for moral and practical support. 

It feels daunting and scary but once you start really thinking about options many things become possible.  I really recommend secretly seeing a good lawyer to find about divorce, gathering financial information, getting your own bank account and starting to save money separately. Make your plans.

 

January 24, 2022 7:43 pm  #22


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

phew!  that is good news LMM.  so glad you have family support.  

and also good that you can see what's happening, this is not a reciprocal relationship - that sweet cuddly moment was simply your own feelings - as soon as you express them to him though, it is bad news for him because it isn't what he wants.





 

Last edited by lily (January 24, 2022 7:46 pm)

 

January 24, 2022 9:32 pm  #23


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

LMM.....I think you no longer belong on this MOM board

👍


KIA KAHA                       
 

January 25, 2022 9:17 am  #24


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

I think what Ellexoh is suggesting is that you might find a new thread in the main Support category to be more applicable to your situation than 'Strategies for MOM's'. Of course the choice is up to you.

(Sorry to jump in there, Ellexoh. I felt it was important to clarify what I think the intent of your post was from any potential misunderstanding. I had to read it twice myself. [img]https://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/happy.png[/img] On the first read, I was like "What?")

Hope everyone has a good day.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

January 25, 2022 11:37 am  #25


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

Daryl,

"You don't belong here anymore.  Get out" was a satisfying thing to tell my duplicitous ex-h.

Don't mean to derail the thread. Please LMM post in the support area. So glad you found an ally in your family! 😊👍


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

January 25, 2022 1:01 pm  #26


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

Daryl wrote:

I think what Ellexoh is suggesting is that you might find a new thread in the main Support category to be more applicable to your situation than 'Strategies for MOM's'. ....

Thanks Daryl... Indeed that's what I meant. I myself, after reading it, thought "wtf! Should I change/explain that!" I didn't because i trusted that surely you'd all know how far I have come myself and that I would never be that harsh to somebody trying to figure out why a man would be this unfeeling to somebody he was supposed to love.

This is how I meant this board to work. For a Straightspouse to work this out with the help of other Straightspouses. Not with any input from the LGBTQ partner, the very person who was instrumental in pulling our lives apart. The MOM board was misnamed and gave some of the power of healing that the Straightspouse so desperately needs....to people who in my opinion.... don't deserve it

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

January 25, 2022 7:05 pm  #27


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

Am not sure what you mean, Elle. The rules for this sub-forum clearly state what it's for.

I don't think this sub-forum should be here, however.  Most posters are duped and abused by their suddenly non-straight or trans partners. That was decided before I found the former SSN.

It's not a popular board, which follows the stats for the lack of success for the majority of MOMs.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

January 26, 2022 1:48 am  #28


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

MJM017 wrote:

Am not sure what you mean, Elle. The rules for this sub-forum clearly state what it's for. ....

When I first joined I was still researching, reading articles... Undecided and leaning towards not leaving. I was getting a lot of negative remarks whenever I posted on the main boards and was told I should stay on the MOM board which I did for the most part. It was being on this board and having MOM couples spreading their particular brand of "of course we can make it work" that actually helped to turn me off the idea of a MOM

YIP,  I kick myself for suggesting it and hope it's not the presence of this board that seems to have welcomed some of the LGBTQ into the site because THAT was never my intention

Apologies.
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

January 26, 2022 7:42 am  #29


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

I made the mistake of posting on the wrong thread in July of 2020. I was glad that I found this group but did not know where to post. I got a lot of replies that I never read. I assume that this group is like group theraphy and some of us don't want our personal business out there. I am very very careful now. I have never been in group therapy and don't think that I would ever do something like that. I am glad that the group has helped some people. Please know that I am holding a good thought for all of you.

 

January 27, 2022 9:07 am  #30


Re: Futility or Productive Work?

LMM,

I can say I did not read your plight/story because it was in this sub-board.    I don't frequent this sub board because I really have no knowledge of how to make a MOM work..  I commend those that try but I could not physically and emotionally do it..

I also read your reply to Sean where your gay/bi/loser husband says he does not like you physically.     

My GX's physical rejection of me started with her lesbian affair but I must say if I look back on my decades of  marriage it was 98% of time me who initiated any physical contact.   Im not talking just sex but even hugs, kisses, basic couple contact..  Its not like she didnt hug me or anything..  but as I look back now with 20/20 hindsight I can say;
a.) I was blind to it because I loved her so much.  
b.) Its was not normal for a heterosexual woman.
c.) I can see clearly though the narcissism..

I think like you my inexperience and youth  coupled with a.)   blinded me to b.) and c.,).     But its not all my fault because my GX with her closet and narcissistic skill was perfectly capable of stringing me on for years and hiding the gay..    Some say our upbringing and low self worth makes us blind to it...   but even my friends that knew her when we were dating did not see the gay.     

So I absolve myself of blame and naivety  in TGT.   And you should do the same.    We gave true, fierce love.. absolute and unselfish.   We loved them when they were sick, mean, any weight etc..    They gave ???

My GXs sudden and unexpected total physical rejection (ie, pull away, turn from a kiss) was gut wrenching, paralyzing and cannot be forgotten.   (at the same time perplexing..I love you...im not having an affair but dont come near me).

I don't think God intended us , in marriage, to endure such abuse.  To be hurt over and over.    We vowed before him and can endure quite a bit  (we are fierce,stoic and strong) but there is a human limit..   as your're finding now.
Even Christ had to rest.  Even Christ rebuked what was morally wrong.

Wishing you strength and faith in your valley..

 

Last edited by Rob (January 27, 2022 9:08 am)


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

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