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- lily
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Sorry Jamie. but I think you might have to brace yourself - from what I am reading in your posts I don't see anything to make me think she will be nicer to you than my ex was to me.
It's kinda run of the mill, but it's an awesome state of entitlement that says she can go out partying, rub your nose in it when she comes home and then say she doesn't want a divorce, you have to look after her.
It's a tricky time. Don't let her rile you again - walk away rather than respond. better to stay cool and objective - take a step back and observe her a bit. wait to see what she does next when you don't bite.
- MJM017
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
jamieblunt wrote:
Abby most Brits don't have an accountant (well i certainly dont)
Most Americans don't either. I had a one hour consult with one for another matter & found it helpful.
I wish I had visited one during the divorce proceedings. I was overwhelmed with it & made a mistake of filing our taxes as joint/married. I had a refund check with both our names on it. I wanted no contact with him but had to in order to get this straightened out. I opened myself up to his abuse and "emergency" requests for money he "desperately" needed now.
Ask your solicitor if they recommend an accountant to help you secure your financial future and avoid actions which may accidentally benefit (££££££) your STBX.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
i certainly don't know everything but i am very on top of our finances but we are in the odd position of being very equal, stbx gets slightly more a year than i do if she worked full time and has a stronger pension by several years, so 50/50 really isn't contentious unless she decides to make it so and then it would probably fall in my favour so its not in her best interests to kick up a fuss. I have plan B ready to go and today got the news that i have been approved for a three bed house in my home town by the council if i need it.
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Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
sounds good, Jamie. wishing you the best of luck. Post here as much as you like, talk with any family you feel comfortable with, know that another commonality of the straight spouse experience is the feeling of relief that comes when you finally get away.
- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
ok its started!
letter of engagement is being drawn up this week for me to go in and sign then what i never thought would ever happen to me is happening, but as my stbx said this evening "you(me) are driving this" so quite politely and without rage i asked her how we could work around this and she just shook her head.
And then i spent half an hour with her explaining the process and filling in some forms for her to get a house under shared ownership.
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
....And then i spent half an hour with her explaining the process and filling in some forms for her to get a house under shared ownership.
"Shared ownership" ..?
Elle
KIA KAHA
- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Don't worry Elle not with me 
Its a scheme where you own a % of the house via savings or a mortgage and the rest is owned by a landlord attached to the local government (so not private), then you pay rent on the rest of the property value. You can after a year buy into another chunk of the house and keep doing so until you own it outright.
To stop rich people buying up houses and then renting them etc, you have to live in the same area or have family in said area and if you buy into a house you cannot own another one at the same time.
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Don't worry Elle not with me
Oh phew! then. I thought you were considering a magnamity that your
soon to-be-out-of-the-house wife doesn't deserve
KIA KAHA
- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
I wouldn't dare, you may fly all the way to the UK just to give me a patent Elle slap round the ears
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Thread Starter- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
well some of you called it and i sort of knew myself, i was pushing the divorce now as i was unsure about my m8s offer to loan me the equity, so i put him over a barrel as i was going to sign the engagement on Monday and he folded, i wont go into the details but after six weeks of him assuring me he could help he cant at the moment.
It has blown me out of the water, quite down about everything yesterday and today, it just means i am back to my original timeline and will have to re-assess in the new year but i know i dont have the mental capacity to sell my house, get a divorce, organise this shared ownership house all in one go, so my plan now is co-habit for the next 6-10 months so we can both save up the cash needed for house moves and see where we go from there, i have reached out to a financial advisor to see if there is anyway i could finance the equity myself but i don't hold out much hope,
on the grand scale of things with people having to flee their war torn countries or drowning in the channel as we have an uncaring evil government, or not knowing where your next meal is coming from my problems are very first world, i will bounce back but today i feel mentally crap.
well done to those gay people who come out, aren't they so brave...
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Thread Starter