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July 26, 2021 4:43 pm  #1

Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Some straight spouses are perfectly okay (and not only okay, but truly accepting) their spouse being bi. I know that may be challenging for some to realize that others can be perfectly content with their bi spouse and vise versa (the bi spouse perfectly content with a straight spouse). Throughout this, since my husband came out as bi, well over a year and a half ago, I’ve completely accepted who he is. He’s a wonderful man and the most loyal person I’ve ever met. Over time I’m getting more and more messages (usually via Reddit) of people who are accepting of their spouses bi-ness. They have no concern their spouse “isn’t straight.” I’m hearing more and more from straight spouses who are okay with, or even encouraging their bi spouse to explore their sexuality with others. This isn’t my situation, but I respect that others have the choice to define the marriage that works for them. Who am I to judge what two consenting adults agree to? It’s not for me to decide. 

I don’t have any familiarity with this, but I’m seeing some of this with straight/gay marriages as well. 

I just wanted to put this out there for anyone who says to a straight spouse something along the lines of “he/she isn’t straight” regarding their spouse like that should be more than enough for anyone to consider ending the relationship/marriage. 

edited to add... not all bi spouses are narcissists, liars, and cheaters. A person can be bi and honorable and monogamous. 


Last edited by TangledOil (July 26, 2021 4:57 pm)


July 26, 2021 6:12 pm  #2

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Great points here. Bisexuality is not synonymous with unfaithful or non monogamous. A partner being bisexual does not automatically mean they will cheat or will "eventually come all the way out of the closet and say they are gay". My bi husband is a better man than probably any other man I know. His sexuality doesn't make him any less likely to be an amazing faithful husband. 

Straight wife to wonderful Bi husband 
20+ years together, out to me for 17+ 

November 21, 2021 12:50 pm  #3

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Thanks, TangledOil! 
My wife came out as bi- (to me and our teen kids only) a year ago. I have absolutely no problem accepting whatever she likes in this world, as long as she keeps her sexuality within our marriage. (And as a straight man, I do the same.) I don't act on my desires to have sex with other women. Nor does she. She is a wonderful, trustworthy, dependable wife and best friend of 20 years. Accepting that she also likes women does not have to threaten our marriage. If anything, the open communication strengthens our marriage. 

I, too, am really fed up with the incorrect stereotype all over the place that to be an honest, open, courageous bisexual person you must (and have the right to) have a relationship outside the hetero marriage. I feel like we need to increase the voices of bi- spouses who are willing to say that they can be faithful married to a hetero spouse and still be honest and true to their bi- identity. And raise the voices of straight spouses who are lovingly married to somebody who is bi-.

Last edited by HappyMOM (November 21, 2021 12:53 pm)


May 16, 2022 11:04 am  #4

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

You have no idea how grateful I am for these comments. I am straight, and my husband revealed to me just four months ago that he is gay. We married in 2001. We are doing everything we can to remain together and to maintain our faithfulness. He has a long, long way to go with self-acceptance. He only recently accepted his own identity, last fall. So we are in early days. The hurt and pain he has suffered by needing to maintain the life of a square peg jammed into a circular hole runs deep and wide, is full of deep seated shame, and is going to take years to heal and overcome. Thank you TangledOil, CMaree23, and HappyMOM - I want to be able to still say in another 20 years that we are happily together and supporting one another and continuing to flourish under the care and love of the other. Knowing there is no shame to want this is heartening.


September 8, 2022 12:32 pm  #5

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Sorry for the necro, but I just found this forum after my wife of 11 years came out as bisexual a few months ago.  I wanted to also say that for me, and for us, it's only been a good thing.  

Strangely, her stepping into her queerness has brought more of the person I have always loved to the forefront.  I am absolutely hetero, but my preferences in the opposite sex have always leaned counter culture.  

We're also both very much monogamous people, and being open and emotionally intimate has been a huge spark.  She is more my person today than she was in the previous months, and she tells me that my instant and deep acceptance and cheerleading has made her feel so safe, loved, and seen, and that she KNOWS I'm also her person.  

We're still as compatible as we were, and now even moreso.  It just means that I know more about some of her fantasies, and she mine.  It's actually really cool.  I feel like so few people get to know one another so intimately.  I feel very fortunate that we stumbled our way here together, and she has expressed the same.

It is ALL GOOD! 


September 8, 2022 4:50 pm  #6

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Welcome to our Forum Nimble.

After an awesome 25yrs when my partner said he was bisexual I too felt supportive, and willing to explore with him. And it was exciting for a while. The feelings we deal with can become overwhelming though when the person we thought we knew throws us a curve ball and we have to run to catch it.
I decided to save myself and threw the ball back at him because I'm not prepared to accept what he wants (to maybe one day be "fucked by a man") so I suppose you could say we're in a stalemate.

We used to talk about everything intimate but when intimacy stopped he stopped talking about it. And I refuse to engage because it was always me initiating talking about issues. 
See what I mean? Stalemate


KIA KAHA                       

September 8, 2022 6:22 pm  #7

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Thanks for the welcome Elle!

I'm really sorry to hear that.  I've been reading a lot of stories on the internet and I do feel INCREDIBLY fortunate given what could have come out of our situation.  When she figured it out, my wife hadn't even considered that there would be a bad response.  She literally was like "I HAVE TO TELL HIM!" and I was the first to know.  Our exploration has really just looked like honesty.  She in no way wants anything outside of what we have, and I believe her.  If things change, that'll be something I'll have to deal with then, but for now today is alright.

I sincerely hope you and yours can find a way to peace and happiness.  It's such a lonely experience to deal with this on any level.  So few people seem to be going through it outwardly.


September 8, 2022 9:44 pm  #8

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Hi, Nimble:
I sincerely hope that you & your wife can navigate this well together. I can tell you that after my LW came out initially as "Bi" a decade ago, we didn't really address it much after, as we didn't really know how. Fast forward to now, & she has shifted to identifying as completely gay. Being honest & open may be the way your MOM can avoid the turmoil we are experiencing currently. A long road ahead for us. God remains our comfort.


September 9, 2022 9:28 am  #9

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Thank you Phil!

I'm really sorry for what sounds like a truly difficult situation.  Fingers crossed our situation maintains, but I'm hopeful.  My wife's family is very open, so she never had any stigma associated with any non-straight orientations.  Interestingly, the component that seems to have impacted her hardest is one of identity rather than a longing for a same sex experience.  That may change, but for now, things are alright, and I'm taking it one day at a time.

I sincerely hope you and your wife can find a way to happiness, whatever that may look like.


November 7, 2022 1:06 pm  #10

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Hey Nasturtium,

To answer your questions-

We're very open.  Kids don't know, but they are young and aren't really aware of sexual orientation other than knowing mom and dad love each other.

Close friends all know.  All support us/her.  Some are in a similar situation.

My wife's sister knowns, but my wife doesn't feel the need to talk about her orientation with her parents.  It has no impact on them, and her parents have always supported her queerness without realizing the orientation that comes along with it.

And yep, pride flag hanging outside of the house.  She has bought some clothing/pins etc that identify her as queer (although, it's pretty clear looking at her that she's unlikely to be straight-she looks like a punk femme woman).

This forum is primarily for folks whose relationships have been pretty negatively impacted by these sorts of realizations.  On the other hand, my wife coming out as bi/queer has brought us even closer- my wife is very monogamous by nature, and she's not really obsessive about anything.  Her bisexuality and realization was about identity/self expression more than repressed sexual fantasies.  

As such, her appearance has changed a bit since stepping into these shoes, and her mood has been elevated, but otherwise nothing dramatic has happened to our relationship.  

Initially I struggled with understanding how to be supportive, and help her feel like she's getting what she needs from our life.  But along the way, just accepting her, and us being open with each other is all that has been necessary.  We just accept that part of being human is being attracted to other humans.  She knows what I like, and I know what she likes.  We have some overlap on the women side, but we both still choose each other.

I will say that I'm very fortunate in that she has expressed zero interest in going outside of our marriage for anything at all, though.  We've talked through it, but at this time it isn't something that she feels she wants, let alone needs.


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