clifmasseyjr wrote:

.....

 

Clif.....once you agree to her seeing other women you can't take that back. If you agree to an open r'ship you'll be losing the woman you thought you'd have forever. Be stronger in your decisions than she is in hers. It sounds like she's using the love you have for her...against you, to get your agreement to this change of lifestyle. It is painful, and it will be painful for a while yet but we're here for you  

*The open r'ship my partner (male bisexual) got me to agree to totally ruined our 37 years. The love I had for him over-road my better instincts and I wish I'd been more aware

Elle*

Edited to say....as soon as I posted this I realised you've already agreed/been okay with her seeing other people

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (May 26, 2021 9:47 pm)

No. The trip is on the weekend (if she is even taking it now). I do appreciate the heads-up, though.

clifmasseyjr wrote:

,........
She just doesn't seem to understand how horrible she has been..........

Today, I woke up feeling better. Tomorrow, I imagine it will be better, still....

Thanks again to everyone that commented and supported me. I can never repay you for your kindness.

 
Deep down she will know how horrible she's been Clif. Her need to discover who she really is will be bigger than her need to acknowledge 'your' pain...,

I have to warn you.... though it might feel like it's better... Your new reality, emotions mostly, may be up and down for a while yet as you process this....,

You can repay us by checking in with us and letting us know how it's going. Do you have anybody to confide in, talk to...a good friend, a brother, sister, parent?

Elle

So sorry that your wife has done this to you and your family, Clif.

Amazing advice here. My two cents below.

First, do not move out or make any sudden life changes. Contact a lawyer. See what your options are. Your rights vary wildly by location. Leaving the house is often abandonment and can have large financial consequences.

Second, breathe. Eat. Sleep as much as you can. Get a therapist. Self-care is important. Treat yourself. You have an unlimited hall pass to indulge right now (no booze though). And rely on your friends. It hurts to air dirty laundry, but you need to let the venom out to heal.

Third, your wife is playing the "pick me dance". She believes that she can lie to you and openly have sex with a woman, and you'll still go back with her if she wants. You are very wise to know this is a game you can't win. I wasn't as smart as you!

Fourth, the description of her sleeping naked with her work friend is surreal. I have a hard time believing her back then, if she says this dating site was for "friends". Be careful of her lies.

Fifth, it does get better with time, but you will have good and bad days. My wife was having affairs for men and women in secret for 15 years. When I started to unravel her lies, my past, present, and future fell apart. I still wake up with panic attacks about it all. But each day life gets better as long as we're doing the work.

Finally, if your username is your real name I would recommend changing it. I'm guessing it isn't, but if so, that could be bad for your divorce.

Wishing you strength on the path ahead.

Last edited by Upside (May 27, 2021 3:25 pm)

Clif,

I third not leaving the house to be near the kids and for financial leverage in the future.

People who come out of the closet often go through a second adolescence. Make sure to set boundaries with her parental obligations and household responsibilities.

Post when you need to.  Thinking good thoughts for you & your kids.

Best,
Maria