He told me we could have a conversation about what he was feeling emotionaly and psychologically over the past 16 years regarding his trans feelings/desires. He would try to write it all down and not leave anything out. At least he "owed" me that.

I thought I wanted to know, but at this point it doesn't matter. It won't change anything.

For him to say somethings are "private" (ie. getting on dating sites, contacting and sexting men and sending nude pics). Wow for those words to come out of his mouth...he has literally lost his damn mind!

When you sext men nude pics WHILE you ARE MARRIED, is not a "private" conversation! Saying this just means how little he thinks and thought of me.  He said he did this to get "validation" from men and to see if he would "pass" as a transwoman! When you sext some nude pics dressed as a female and your "dating" profile show what you actually want to do to them in person....umm you think "they would NOT desire you"? He's really lost his damn mind!!!

I'm moving on and I don't need to know his "story".

I gained access to my cell phone account today. He moved his off the bill since I was able get confirmation of his "private" conversations. I can see how many times he was sexting men (212 times) vs his wife (7) and partner of 16 years!

The more I know at this point will only hurt me and not allow me to recover from this betrayal.

It's really disheartening of what our "spouses" with little remorse has become. It's like a different person who is mentally ill for all I'm concerned.

Stay strong LostAtSea. My heart goes out to you. The divorce will be behind you soon enough.

My wife used the "some things are private" phrase too when I discovered her actions. Nope. Not to your partner. There's a massive gap between privacy and secrecy.

I’m over a year out from my husband finally admitting what I’ve suspected all along (30 years along) he isn’t quite straight (bi). I’ve never found any evidence of anything he was trying to hide from me. I knew from the beginning he (we— I watched it with him) watched gay porn occasionally. From the beginning we had an interesting assortment of sex toys. I wasn’t at all surprised when he finally admitted he’s bi. I was glad when he finally admitted it. I’m glad that he’s finally comfortable with that aspect of himself. No longer so ashamed. Due to his history he only began framing it as bi the last 2-3 years. Still doing well here plugging along through life. I feel I know the whole story....the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've never caught him in a lie regarding all this, he's never backtracked, never gaslighted. I feel really lucky. I'm not sure why I got so lucky. 

Last edited by TangledOil (February 1, 2021 12:27 pm)

Today is just a hard day for me....

I have access to his emails (he doesn't know it). I can see the screen changing with email after email coming in with him updating bank account, medical accounts, etc to his new "trans" email address.

How do you spend 16 years with someone, walk out the door to visit his mom (I thought I was being a good wife), he calls about his trans revelation but of course I find out more. Now he's someone else and wants a new life but with a MAN?? It's been 2 months since DDay and 3 months since he left. He's moving so fast. I got a text from a hair electroylisis by mistake. How the F does this happen?

Today there's a snow storm in Boston and I'm in the Texas. I worry about him being okay, but why? It's because people like "US" care and people like "them" have no remorse or heart? 

I think it helps I'm not in the same state where he is and maybe all along this was his plan to move me to Boston before the pandemic, just so I could move myself back during the pandemic!

A friend sent me a quote..."When someone is not right for you, God will continously use them to hurt you until you are strong enough to left them go".

 

Last edited by LostAtSea (February 1, 2021 2:41 pm)

All of the things that I used to think made him great have now soured. I thought he was honest; yes, about trivial, unimportant things. Lied to me about his wherabouts on business trips; important thing. Great dads don't lie to mom, neglect her and go watch gay porn and visit gay chat rooms. Great dads don't perpetuate the cover-up and lie to their kids too. Thoughtful to buy me flowers and jewelry; but what I really wanted from him was his time, affection and presence in the bedroom. 

Three days of trying to absorb the seemingly infinite amount of trauma of having been told "the whole truth." I know I wanted it. I got it. I had enough for a divorce with his lie to the police. It was a lie in writing. But now, knowing how very little I knew of this man's double life is absolutely devastating!!! Every moment is now a lie. How many more lies are there that he is just too ashamed to tell me? There is no bottom to it now. It could ALL be lies. His truths now could be lies.

Twenty-two friggin years of being lied to...and believing it!!!! Duped indeed. It's ming-boggling!!!