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March 15, 2021 3:23 pm  #21

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I would like to add my voice to the request to pin Longway's post The Secret Sexual Basement by Dr Omar Minwalla. 

I remember the relief I felt on reading his work when it was first linked here even though I was years past the trauma of initial discovery - his professionally structured validation of what I had experienced was so helpful to read and I think it would be good to have it easily accessible for all the new people who come.

thanks, Lily.


March 15, 2021 5:35 pm  #22

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I too think Dr Minwalla’s article should be pinned, I just want to be clear, I learned about Dr Minwalla’s work from this very forum. I found the reference from a previous poster.

All personal identifying content removed

Last edited by longwayhome (August 20, 2021 1:43 pm)

I can almost see it, That dream I'm dreaming...There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move...The Climb - Miley Cyrus

March 15, 2021 8:04 pm  #23

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

oh yes, validation is critical - it is always good but particularly when you have been living with someone denying the truth of your thoughts and feelings.




March 15, 2021 9:48 pm  #24

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Yes Lily, they just so slowly erode who you are that you actually feel like you need someone else to show you your worth, to validate your own feelings. I will forever be grateful to you too, you were the very first person who reached out to me and validated my feelings. Thank you.

I can almost see it, That dream I'm dreaming...There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move...The Climb - Miley Cyrus

March 16, 2021 11:03 am  #25

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

  I so appreciate your kind words.  So many people were helpful to me; I think knowing that when we tell our stories we help others is the reason I'm still on the forum.  


March 16, 2021 6:41 pm  #26

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

yes, I think it's like that biblical thing - deny it thrice - I think that's a sort of benchmark.  Like they've done studies that show that most people can remember 6 things at a time - so jam selections tend to come in packs of 6.  I think it's the same with denial - are you gay, no. oh.  really don't you think you might be gay - no not at all, now comes a wavering but I thought you might be a little bit gay and the third denial makes you doubt yourself.  and this is only natural because we do look to each other for corroboration.  Different of course when someone is spinning a yarn, then it's probably more like three bites and you got em hooked.



April 25, 2021 10:21 pm  #27

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Hi Kel,

How are the plans for the new site going? Just curious & very grateful for the lifesaving help SSN has given me.

Have a wonderful week!


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

April 26, 2021 10:42 am  #28

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I’m wondering, too. I would think the survey would at least have to be well along before much else could be done. How’s that coming?


April 27, 2021 10:34 pm  #29

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Thanks for the details Kel. I'm glad you're looking to get it published in a peer-reviewed journal, possibly the APA. I hope it sparks additional analysis than just the survey.

Also thanks for this, OHC. I've begun exploring this whole topic the last few months, which I hadn't been onto previously. I've read JK Rowling received heated criticism for a related point on feminism, in an attempt to stand up for women's protection. (You may know more about this than I-- I've never taken a women's studies course; just a Men's Studies!)

OutofHisCloset wrote:

I'm understandably sensitive on this question of definitions and labels, and who determines how things will be defined and labeled, as trans activists and my trans-identified ex equate femininity with female, and insist that "woman" is defined not by one's biological sex but by one's performance of femininity.  In order to claim his "woman-hood," my ex "performed" an extreme (and misogynistic) femininity, and re-defined me as "butch" and "lesbian," neither of which I am.   

And it's not just me, individual.  It's we females, we women, all of us.  It's the erasure of femaleness, it's female erasure.  "Woman" is being taken from us, and we're being redefined as "cis," or as "uterus havers" or "pregnant people."



July 18, 2021 3:43 pm  #30

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Years ago I served as a contact for the Florida SSN chapter for folks with bisexual partners that wanted to make their relationships work. I would be glad to serve as a contact for that situation again. I'm not sure it would be in the form of a moderator or just a contact to reach out to but I just wanted to put it out there if there is a need. Been on this journey for over 14 years after discovering my husband is bi.


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