Straight Spouse Network Open Forum
This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else. Learn more >>>

DONATE TODAY >>>

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. The results from SSN’s Annual Summer Donation Drive are in! Together with your help, SSN raised $16,381 during our annual Summer Donation Drive! That’s 109% of our goal! Learn more about how the funds will be utilized.

DONATE TODAY >>>





Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


Happy New Year, Friends!

Our year-end fundraising campaign is officially complete and with your generous help we raised $13,813 to serve straight spouses in need. From all of us at SSN, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.

BE A DONOR >>>

You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



March 4, 2021 7:27 pm  #21


Re: The link between being a straight spouse and sexual abuse in childhood

I am a straight partner to a closeted bi man. I also have a history of sexual abuse as well as emotional abuse. It is a very interesting link and I think it must have some significance. I am looking for a counselor to help me with all of this and I will be sure to bring that up. I have been aware of my history negatively affecting my choice of partners for many years.I thought I knew what I was doing when I made the choice to enter into this relationship. But here I am with another partner that lies to me. Obviously I have work to do.

 

March 5, 2021 8:43 am  #22


Re: The link between being a straight spouse and sexual abuse in childhood

I was sexually molested as a child . It causes all types of problems, trust issues being one of them. I know that these trust issues have affected me all of my life. So sorry that you suffered the same fate.

 

March 5, 2021 12:29 pm  #23


Re: The link between being a straight spouse and sexual abuse in childhood

Just chiming in to add to the statistics, so to speak. 

I had a wonderful childhood. My family was loving, nurturing & I didn’t even know there was such a thing as abuse until after I was grown and heard about it. When I got married to my first husband, and he drank the first 10 years of our marriage, he held me down one time & pulled me down by my hair one time. If it had gotten any worse, or if it had happened again, I don’t know if I would have stayed or not. I was also a pleaser....after  all this, I’ve gotten out of it a lot. He never hit me, and the 2 incidents didn’t hurt me. I DID put up one heck of a fuss when they happened & I think I scared him enough that it helped him to see to not do it again. I mean, I SCREAMED & backed into a corner. It scared the heck out of me, as I’d never been treated that way. & there was NO way I was going to be treated that way again. He didn’t after that & when he sobered up, there wasn’t any problem with his anger anyway 😊.

So, compared to a lot of folks (except going through this cheating), I’ve had it pretty good when it comes to being treated well. I feel very blessed...(I didn’t feel too blessed when I found out about all this, but now that he’s not doing it any more, 🤞.....no, I guess blessed is more  🙏🏼. 😁. Now, I can’t say what’s down the road, but I’m trying to live one day at a time & not worry about what’s ahead.

 

 

April 3, 2021 11:56 pm  #24


Re: The link between being a straight spouse and sexual abuse in childhood

Alert - if triggered, please don’t read.

——————


I was sexually molested at five by a male cousin. He showed me pornographic pictures at the same time.  The same person pushed me down to get on top of me when I was 9. Another relative heard me yelling & pulled the guy off me. Another relative attempted to touch me inappropriately at age 10 & I ran away.  A high school teacher put the moves on me. I rebuffed him.  It was an elective. I dropped the course as soon as I could & avoided him.

I felt ashamed, scared & uncomfortable about sex.  My late ex-husband not acting so aggressively sexual when he courted me was a relief.  He cried when I told him about my cousin. I was grateful & overlooked minor red flags before our marriage.

After the divorce, my late ex-h friended my molester cousin on Facebook.  I was slandered & became the subject of gossip in my extended family.   Neither of these men had/have any decency within them.

Maria

Last edited by MJM017 (April 4, 2021 12:27 am)


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

April 16, 2021 1:48 pm  #25


Re: The link between being a straight spouse and sexual abuse in childhood

phoenix wrote:

Victo wrote:

Thank you, Phoenix.  I think what Kimberly Mazella was talking about was the link between childhood sexual abuse and then becoming a straight spouse later in life.

Victo, Sorry I did misread what you were talking about. 

That's a different and also very interesting point. 
I wonder what the connection is between being sexually abused as a child and then becoming a straight spouse.  Perhaps the experience as a child creates a personality type that GID people look for in a mate.  Maybe the sexually abused child becomes extremely empathetic and compassionate?  Maybe the abused child becomes much less demanding in their sexual needs and accepts the GID person without questioning what another person would find odd?
 

not to take this on a different trajectory, but it has triggered memories of my childhood abuse.  Which led to this thought - the things that made me a victim as a child, only child, mother terminally ill, father away working to pay medical bills.  Just makes me wonder how needy I was back then made me a prey for people wanting to take advantage of me in many ways.  There were boys who wanted sex, people who wanted me to pay their way, etc etc.
I guess I'm just wondering if circumstances that led me to be victimized as a child then shaped me into a person who was still needy for love and being desirable/wanted.
I'm not revealing my childhood as part of a pity party - I'm long past that ;) this is just the first time I've thought about the implications with respect to my GID.  

 

April 16, 2021 4:34 pm  #26


Re: The link between being a straight spouse and sexual abuse in childhood

Funny how you forget some posts, even if you've commented on them. Glad to see this one resurfaced. I believe Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can definitely play a role in many of our situations, possibly for both spouses, I'm convinced it did in mine. I've researched adverse childhood experiences over the course of my journey.

We know so much more today about child development, the importance of those formative years, having loving/supportive environments growing up, etc.

Upside, I agree with many of your observations.

Anyone interested in finding out more about adverse childhood experiences and its impacts on your adult life, your health, your chance of falling victim to some type of abuse, etc......visit:
CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html
:
American Journal of Preventive Medicine:
https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/S0749-3797(98)00017-8/fulltext#secd8658705e2715

Public Health Ontario:
https://www.publichealthontario.ca/-/media/documents/a/2020/adverse-childhood-experiences-report.pdf?la=en

ACEs are NOT restricted by social economic class. Anyone looking into my family of origin would automatically think the family was well functionning. We had the beautiful big home, the cottage life in the summer while my father worked in the city. attended Sunday catholic church service every week, without fail. Inside the home, full of dysfunction and yelling.  My father was a high functioning alcoholic. I made sure to pick a partner that didn't like drinking, if only my younger self had known there was so much more to be on the look out for. You don't know what you don't know.


 

Last edited by longwayhome (April 17, 2021 6:31 am)

 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum