OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- lily
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Re: Are they really your friend?
yes goodness the lengths they go to to maintain their fiction. The hell of Facebook gaslighting is that it's long range too - you can't move away from it. My ex went into overdrive contacting my friends first before I had even spoken to them, and then he settled into Facebook like a spider on its web.
- MJM017
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Re: Are they really your friend?
My lawyer advised me to delete all social media when I filed. Anything you post can be used against you.
Late GIDXH also went on a smear campaign against me with my relatives on Facebook. I figured he wasn’t savvy enough to program in a visitor tracker & he made postings global(public). I had a fake name & a throwaway email account to snoop every few weeks. I never posted, never had a profile picture and left the banner page black. This was in 2016. The FB trackers are easy to get (no programming involved). They do know if you visit. Truly stay away.
Smear campaigns can have a shorter life if you never respond to him/her or with anyone. Ignore or if a friend presses you for info say - oh, he kind of goes on and on sometimes. You know how it is. Laugh it off & change the subject.
In time, a successful smear campaigner starts to look like a nut to his flying monkeys/allies if they keep the same tirade going as a one-person show.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Zenobia
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Re: Are they really your friend?
OneDayAtATime yes I had thought I found a best friend. The initial person I met checked nearly every box. Then after a couple of years it started to unravel little by little. Every boundary smashed, gaslighted to the point where I still have no idea what is real for some things. Not many in my life I can speak to as now it is all about their transition and unfair and terrible the rest of the world is towards their own special self. I never mentioned the things he’s said and done so now I’m just going to be labeled negatively I’m afraid for not jumping for joy to have yet another way the person I first met was fake. So now instead of a best friend there is a stranger in my home which feels very lonely and isolating.
- Zenobia
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Re: Are they really your friend?
MJM017 thank you for that advice. At this point I’ve left most all social media and will continue to not check theirs. Some media I used to keep in contact with online friends I’ve known longer than my spouse but now it seems he has moved in (like a spider in a web was a perfect analogy) some places. More isolation.
Last edited by Zenobia (August 22, 2020 6:26 pm)
- MJM017
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Re: Are they really your friend?
Hi Zenobia,
Sorry - didn’t realize you are still living together. Sorry if a repeat, make sure to get your own support system going. Any family, friends, spiritual counselors, therapists are so helpful during this time.
I don’t think you have a spider man/woman on your hands, but a creep. This is fake Latin - but easy to Google the English “translation” - Illegitimi non carborundum You did nothing wrong here & it is unfair for the gaslight to be shining on you. Keep your head up high.
A suggestion would be to go to these friends saying you are having deep pain due to the transition. Leave it at that. You can see how they react. Most people try to see both sides of a break up story & sympathize.
Post here when you need it. We’ve been through this & come out stronger.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Zenobia
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Re: Are they really your friend?
Yes MJM017 unfortunately still living together. The coming out was a couple months into the pandemic and I am the sole breadwinner so no real means to get them out of the house at this point. So I get to financially carry their new life while they do just enough around the house and with the child that it would make me seem like a bad guy if I just tossed them out. Frustration on so many levels as there is TTT plus personality issues and such. The person now is so far removed from who I met it’s hard not to feel taken advantage of.
I’ve got a small remote support system of friends and family that has been a help. It hard to heal and move forward while still inside the mess. I realize some of the terrible things he said to me were so cruel on purpose to cause pain but it’s hard not to hold on to it and take it personally. Add to that not being *away* from them due to lock downs. A friend would have never said some of the things said. Even the worst of the bad ex boyfriends and my ex husband never said some things he said.
- MJM017
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Re: Are they really your friend?
Not sure why your GH doesn’t want to earn money for the household & help support his child. It may be in your & your child’s best interest to speak with a few family law attorneys to learn your options.
The GIDXH had a congenital heart condition. He didn’t want to work though all his doctors told him he could with no detrimental affects to his health.
I said above he did smear me for leaving. The slander hurt. My anger kept me moving ahead with the divorce. I wish I divorced him years earlier when his true self appeared.
By knowing your legal rights & obligations to the GH, you can make an informed decision.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa