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1 of 1- MJM017
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YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
I haven't seen this video in years. It's a novelty new wave 80s song. I thought it was funny in high school; I never realized it would happen to me.
It's by Josie Cotton and called Johnny, Are Your Queer. Johnny reminded me of my GIDXH. It encapsulates my love life during my marriage.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Leslie77
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Re: YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
Wow. Some of Johnny's body language, in the beginning of the video, reminded me of my husband.
- OneDayAtATime
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Re: YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
Oh wow... now that’s just sad.
I wish I’d seen stuff like that when I was growing up. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 21 years to figure out, even though he’s so obviously flamboyant. But I was too sheltered. I had only first HEARD about homosexuality just two years before I got engaged to my GIDH 
- MJM017
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Re: YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
I knew when I was 10 years old living in the suburbs next to a gay mecca - couldn't escape Castro Street being in the local news constantly. Our city newspaper's entertainment section had huge ads for Charles Pierce (he was a female impersonator) every single week. He played to straight audiences in expensive nightclubs. He passed away. There was Lypsinka, too. He's still around. It was a strange place to grow up. Back in the late 70s was a free for all around here. Search YouTube for Castro Street & 1970s if you want to find out more. It's calmed down quite a bit since then.
GIDXH moved here when he was 8, so he was exposed as well. He was not the shy type. He did whatever he wanted. He wasn't hiding in the closet due to fear. I sound like a broken record. Some hide it for the money, not out of shame or religious upbringing. He hid it from me to be financially supported. No gay sugar daddy would put up with him.
Last edited by MJM017 (July 5, 2020 7:25 pm)
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
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Thread Starter- OneDayAtATime
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Re: YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
I’m curious... why couldn’t he get a gay sugar daddy? Was it his narcissism? My GIDH can usually get people to like him short term, he’s an extremely well hidden narc, but he can’t carry through on longer friendships/ relationships. He gets exhausted trying to pretend to be normal, and in group gatherings prefers to hang out with the kids who won’t expect adult behavior and can be easily distracted by funny videos in his phone.
My kids have no idea it’s not normal that he absolutely can’t walk past a pretty article of clothing without trying it on... as a “joke” of course.
Mine has always been and will always be in hiding because he’s terrified of his brothers. One is an angry dysfunctional punk type (hates gays and everyone else) and one is a narrow minded judgmental religious type. My GIDH was going to rocky horror every week since he was 12, but that was his only outlet. He has a story he tells people... that he liked it because he got to see the women in corsets. But he really liked to dress up AS a woman in a corset.
- MJM017
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Re: YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
OneDayAtATime wrote:
I’m curious... why couldn’t he get a gay sugar daddy? Was it his narcissism? My GIDH can usually get people to like him short term, he’s an extremely well hidden narc, but he can’t carry through on longer friendships/ relationships.
Yes, am guessing he became greedy when he gained a boyfriend's trust.
My GIDH was going to rocky horror every week since he was 12, but that was his only outlet. He has a story he tells people... that he liked it because he got to see the women in corsets. But he really liked to dress up AS a woman in a corset.
I went once 30 years ago in school. It's still a Friday midnight show in movie theatres I see by googling. I am sorry he's doing this.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
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Thread Starter- walkbymyself
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Re: YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
I believe my husband was closeted because the double life was thrilling, at least in the beginning. I believe he had a compulsion. I believe he understood all too well that he couldn't survive without me, because he was so dysfunctional he needed someone to filter the world for him.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: YouTube Music Video, It May Be Triggering
walkbymyself,
For my ex it's the potential for discovery and punishment that's the thrill. He even told me this once, and wanted to incorporate it into our sex life.
Although homo/trans phobia is used as a blanket explanation (excuse), the motivation for some of our partners is not fear of homo/trans phobia, and I wish that were more recognized. And homo/trans phobia is never a justification for lying, cheating, and deception; everyone has a choice, and what choice you make and how you justify it is an index to your character.