A sectional can work and please keep the lights on. 

Seriously, this string has made me think about my trauma and how it’s changed me. More importantly, it’s given me a couple of laughs and a connection with those who have walked or are walking in my shoes.

Btw- For you guys out there I were my Birkenstock’s proudly but have no interest in other women.
For us ladies, we should realize that some straight men  like to cook. 

I hope so because I love to cook and it would be nice to meet someone some day and share that enjoyment especially If he’s a ballroom dancer too. It’s nice to dream! 

I had no idea that my ex boyfriend was gay. I researched some things on the internet and one thing to watch for is the look in their eyes when they talk to another man. Look at their eyes. I got married to a man who says he is straight yesterday. I looked for signs and did not see any. So sorry that you find yourself here.

there were some many signs that my ex was a lesbian (albeit deeply closeted). I feel like such an idiot for nothing being able to put 2+2 together sooner but at the same she was determined to deceive me as long as humanly possible

1) obsessed with San Francisco (even though we don't live in the US) - would constantly google: "real estate in San Francisco", "how to move to San Francisco", "rent in San Francisco", etc... given that she is deeply closeted my read is that SF is the one place/city where she could truly "be herself" (aka openly gay). 

2) would constantly talk about how attractive other women are (neighbors, friends, acquaintances, etc). This was literally a daily occurrence. She wouldn't just say: "oh so-so is very attractive" instead she would talk about their physical appearance in a very detailed manner; ex: "so-so is absolutely stunning.. her eyes, her hair, her nose, her lips, just perfect.."

3) as she got older she became gay and gayer, ex: would blatantly stare at other women, try to engage them in conversation, flirt with them, etc..

4) hanging out with her best (female) friend 24-7, that is how I caught her.

5) homophobic towards "flaming" gay men and butch women -- would be in awe of femme lesbians 

6) would exclusively use FB to check on other women (ex friends, ex coworkers, ex acquaintances, etc..) there was no secret male crush, ex-boyfriend, ex male coworker, etc... instead FB was solely used to look at the profiles of other women (always women) -- as far as digital proof that is all I ever got since my ex LW doesn't care/like any sort of porn. She googled "Dinah Shore weekend" a long time and when I questioned her about it she convinced me that it must have been a pop-up (yeah right)

Last edited by rekamc (August 23, 2021 7:10 pm)

rekamc wrote:

there were some many signs that my ex was a lesbian (albeit deeply closeted). I feel like such an idiot for nothing being able to put 2+2 together sooner but at the same she was determined to deceive me as long as humanly possible

1) obsessed with San Francisco (even though we don't live in the US) - would constantly google: "real estate in San Francisco", "how to move to San Francisco", "rent in San Francisco", etc... given that she is deeply closeted my read is that SF is the one place/city where she could truly "be herself" (aka openly gay). 

2) would constantly talk about how attractive other women are (neighbors, friends, acquaintances, etc). This was literally a daily occurrence. She wouldn't just say: "oh so-so is very attractive" instead she would talk about their physical appearance in a very detailed manner; ex: "so-so is absolutely stunning.. her eyes, her hair, her nose, her lips, just perfect.."

3) as she got older she became gay and gayer, ex: would blatantly stare at other women, try to engage them in conversation, flirt with them, etc..

4) hanging out with her best (female) friend 24-7, that is how I caught her.

5) homophobic towards "flaming" gay men and butch women -- would be in awe of femme lesbians 

6) would exclusively use FB to check on other women (ex friends, ex coworkers, ex acquaintances, etc..) there was no secret male crush, ex-boyfriend, ex male coworker, etc... instead FB was solely used to look at the profiles of other women (always women) -- as far as digital proof that is all I ever got since my ex LW doesn't care/like any sort of porn. She googled "Dinah Shore weekend" a long time and when I questioned her about it she convinced me that it must have been a pop-up (yeah right)

Don’t beat yourself up for being deceived by someone actively engaged in deceiving themselves. The so called red flags are only such when viewed with the all seeing eye of retrospective understanding. I myself still can’t believe that I discounted all of the ones that were waved in my face over the years. Even some of the ones that were really weird behaviours I just brushed aside and dismissed, often berating myself for even thinking such things. Becoming gayer over the years manifested itself as further and further withdrawal and eventual shutdown. Love is indeed blind. It blinds us to the very thought that we could be deceived by the partners that we have all loved. You are not an idiot, you are just human.

4929 days…

Yes, all my childhood and most of my adult life.  My late GIDXH moved here with his family in 2nd grade and lived here most of his life. His family left for their home state while he attended college here.  He wasn't forthcoming about friends or romantic relationships from then.  There was no reason for him to be in the closet in San Francisco. He did what he wanted and was shameless.  Have some guesses why he deceived me.

Another reason closeted lesbians marry straight men is to gain a better standard of living.  They have double discrimination- being women & gay.  Long term female "roommates" equal lesbians.

Dinah Shore weekend reminded me of that. Gay men own property in Palm Springs (aka Castro District South).  Lesbians stay for one weekend out of the year.

Last edited by MJM017 (August 25, 2021 10:04 pm)