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August 18, 2021 7:17 pm  #51


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

more sandwiches too!

 

August 19, 2021 9:28 am  #52


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Wine.

 

August 19, 2021 11:17 am  #53


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!


And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
 

August 19, 2021 12:36 pm  #54


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

A sectional can work and please keep the lights on. 

Seriously, this string has made me think about my trauma and how it’s changed me. More importantly, it’s given me a couple of laughs and a connection with those who have walked or are walking in my shoes.

Btw- For you guys out there I were my Birkenstock’s proudly but have no interest in other women.
For us ladies, we should realize that some straight men  like to cook. 

I hope so because I love to cook and it would be nice to meet someone some day and share that enjoyment especially If he’s a ballroom dancer too. It’s nice to dream! 

 

August 19, 2021 12:57 pm  #55


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

I suppose that this site is the metaphorical sofa to hide behind for all of us. It is made more comfortable knowing that it is shared, unlike some of the fundamental truths that were denied to us. I both cook and dance and am unashamedly hetero. So they're probably not good indicators.

 

Last edited by Ordinary guy (August 19, 2021 1:09 pm)


And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
 

August 23, 2021 10:34 am  #56


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

I had no idea that my ex boyfriend was gay. I researched some things on the internet and one thing to watch for is the look in their eyes when they talk to another man. Look at their eyes. I got married to a man who says he is straight yesterday. I looked for signs and did not see any. So sorry that you find yourself here.

 

August 23, 2021 4:38 pm  #57


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

I have pretty good gaydar as I grew up in and still live in a major California urban center. I had out gay friends in college and worked for out gay bosses. I thought my late GIDXH was gay when I first met him in 1991.  But...he was very interested in me and my coworkers treated him as if he was straight. I thought I was wrong.

I thought the late George Michael was straight. My gaydar was right yesterday when I watched a Judas Priest video from the 80s. The lead singer seemed gay. Sure enough, Google said he came out of the closet in 1998.

We know enough from our trials by fire to see the signs unfold.  Take your time and date as many people as you can.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

August 23, 2021 7:08 pm  #58


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

there were some many signs that my ex was a lesbian (albeit deeply closeted). I feel like such an idiot for nothing being able to put 2+2 together sooner but at the same she was determined to deceive me as long as humanly possible

1) obsessed with San Francisco (even though we don't live in the US) - would constantly google: "real estate in San Francisco", "how to move to San Francisco", "rent in San Francisco", etc... given that she is deeply closeted my read is that SF is the one place/city where she could truly "be herself" (aka openly gay). 

2) would constantly talk about how attractive other women are (neighbors, friends, acquaintances, etc). This was literally a daily occurrence. She wouldn't just say: "oh so-so is very attractive" instead she would talk about their physical appearance in a very detailed manner; ex: "so-so is absolutely stunning.. her eyes, her hair, her nose, her lips, just perfect.."

3) as she got older she became gay and gayer, ex: would blatantly stare at other women, try to engage them in conversation, flirt with them, etc..

4) hanging out with her best (female) friend 24-7, that is how I caught her.

5) homophobic towards "flaming" gay men and butch women -- would be in awe of femme lesbians 

6) would exclusively use FB to check on other women (ex friends, ex coworkers, ex acquaintances, etc..) there was no secret male crush, ex-boyfriend, ex male coworker, etc... instead FB was solely used to look at the profiles of other women (always women) -- as far as digital proof that is all I ever got since my ex LW doesn't care/like any sort of porn. She googled "Dinah Shore weekend" a long time and when I questioned her about it she convinced me that it must have been a pop-up (yeah right)

Last edited by rekamc (August 23, 2021 7:10 pm)

 

August 25, 2021 2:36 pm  #59


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

rekamc,

Am so sorry that happened.  I feel the same about missing red flags from my con artist GIDXH. The small silver lining among all the pain is being aware of scammers tactics.

Your ex would not last for long in SF with #5. That's the majority of our LGBTQ+ population.

Take care,
Maria


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

August 25, 2021 3:06 pm  #60


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

rekamc wrote:

there were some many signs that my ex was a lesbian (albeit deeply closeted). I feel like such an idiot for nothing being able to put 2+2 together sooner but at the same she was determined to deceive me as long as humanly possible

1) obsessed with San Francisco (even though we don't live in the US) - would constantly google: "real estate in San Francisco", "how to move to San Francisco", "rent in San Francisco", etc... given that she is deeply closeted my read is that SF is the one place/city where she could truly "be herself" (aka openly gay). 

2) would constantly talk about how attractive other women are (neighbors, friends, acquaintances, etc). This was literally a daily occurrence. She wouldn't just say: "oh so-so is very attractive" instead she would talk about their physical appearance in a very detailed manner; ex: "so-so is absolutely stunning.. her eyes, her hair, her nose, her lips, just perfect.."

3) as she got older she became gay and gayer, ex: would blatantly stare at other women, try to engage them in conversation, flirt with them, etc..

4) hanging out with her best (female) friend 24-7, that is how I caught her.

5) homophobic towards "flaming" gay men and butch women -- would be in awe of femme lesbians 

6) would exclusively use FB to check on other women (ex friends, ex coworkers, ex acquaintances, etc..) there was no secret male crush, ex-boyfriend, ex male coworker, etc... instead FB was solely used to look at the profiles of other women (always women) -- as far as digital proof that is all I ever got since my ex LW doesn't care/like any sort of porn. She googled "Dinah Shore weekend" a long time and when I questioned her about it she convinced me that it must have been a pop-up (yeah right)

Don’t beat yourself up for being deceived by someone actively engaged in deceiving themselves. The so called red flags are only such when viewed with the all seeing eye of retrospective understanding. I myself still can’t believe that I discounted all of the ones that were waved in my face over the years. Even some of the ones that were really weird behaviours I just brushed aside and dismissed, often berating myself for even thinking such things. Becoming gayer over the years manifested itself as further and further withdrawal and eventual shutdown. Love is indeed blind. It blinds us to the very thought that we could be deceived by the partners that we have all loved. You are not an idiot, you are just human.

4929 days…


And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
 

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