OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- Steve
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
As for your question I discus my personal life with people who I consider to be friends. If you had come at me with a less aggressive demeanor I likely would have answered you.
(For the rest of you my story is sitting in ‘Our Stories’. It’s called ‘A sixteen year journey’ or something)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Paraceleus
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Its aways been this way... read the greeks - or live lives of roman emperors. The same math is there.
What I find curious is that there are less than 2000 registered here... The bi-sites I've been perusing are in the 70,000+ and above range.
Best kept secret in the world...
- Steve
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
OOHC .... you get it 
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- lily
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
oh my goodness back at you Steve. I was not feeling aggressive towards you, and I was not pressing for an answer about your personal life - it was as Whirligig said, she had no problem understanding me.
Whether it is your Christian toes I am treading on or whatever, you clearly would like me to fall silent and I think that might just be enough for me.
Paraceleus, yes I think it must go right back into the mists of time.
all the best everyone, Lily
- Steve
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Where did I say I was a Christian? *eye roll*
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- UserNada
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
OutofHisCloset wrote:
Your words:
You spent by your own admission a year being tormented because you cannot understand your wife's idea that she could enjoy watching women in porn because she enjoyed watching people enjoying sexuality without being specifically turned on by women themselves. You don't work like this, by your own admission, so you decided your wife can't, either.
Not quite. See, I was, to my great sadness, correct. She now freely admits that she is, in fact, sexually attracted to women.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Seems, then, that your course is clear. This fact torments you and your fear that she will someday act on that attraction means that you have lost trust in her.
- Steve
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Yes... she’s bisexual BUT...
1. She is primarily attracted to men
2. She hasn’t cheated
3. She loves you and wants to be with you
4. You love her
So.... You’re in a pretty good position to hold this together. As OOHC has said there’s just the issue of trust.
Can you, or will you trust her? That’s a question only you (with the help of your therapist) can answer.
Yes there are undoubtedly stories on here about women who came out as bi and then transitioned to gay. That’s the situation that this board primarily caters to. What you WON’T read about on this board (but might in the MOMs section) are the successful and happy marriages where one of the spouses is bisexual.
It’s not impossible. It might not be as conventional as your average straight / straight relationship but provided the love, commitment and trust is there it is very doable.
Last edited by Steve (January 29, 2020 9:53 pm)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- OnMyOwnTwoFeet
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Well, this morning I thought I sure could use some insight again from all the discussions on the straight spouse network! And wow!
For me, my husband was not going to label himself, and I had to decide “what is acceptable to me?” That involved a lot of things besides sexuality. For me, trust was foundational. Monogamy was foundational (for me). Being treated with kindness and respect—foundational.
My ability to stay in the marriage required that I feel safe. I worked hard to evaluate my own issues, including if Ihad unreasonable expectations, including if I could change my assumptions and expectations, and eventually knew that I had to decide what was acceptable to me. Only I could make my decision, that not even God (I am a believer) could or would tell me what to do because I had to own it entirely, That I could work very hard but at a certain point, I could only go so far, and my husband needed to act in ways where I had some confidence about the stability of the marriage and his concern for me as a real person. His real actions had to show real efforts to work on a real relationship with a real me.
There was no 100% sure, because nothing is 100% sure.
It has been the hardest, hardest, hardest work. Because finally, in my case, I came to understand that the man I loved with all my heart did not treat me with respect or honesty. The hidden sexuality and hidden activities were a part of that. The way he talked to me—for a year—after I discovered things was a part of that,
Lily talks frequently about “reciprocity.” This has stuck with me and become a part of how I explain my decision to the people I trust to hear it.
Reciprocity is not just sexual attraction, and it is not just emotional attraction. There has to be reciprocity of honesty, reciprocity of listening, reciprocity of working, reciprocity of commitment, reciprocity of tsking responsibility, reciprocity of “give and take” that goes both ways which I guess is reciprocity of reciprocity, haha!.
Especially, there has to be reciprocity of empathy. If all of one person’s empathy is taken up to understand, every minute, in accepting that the person they love has no empathy for them—that is destructive. If my compassion, every minute, is taken up understanding that the person I love most has struggles and his greatest struggle is not wanting me—wow that is destructive. If the person I love the most expects and requires me to use all my empathy and compassion for him to justify that he is a victim of me because his greatest struggle is not wanting me, and I am therefore supposed to accept everything he dishes out and still stay in the relationship or he will tell me I am not a compassionate person and that I am not compassionate because I deserve to mistreated—that kind of circular awful mind mess—wow is that is destructive!
And that was ultimately at heart of my decision. I had trouble figuring it out because I experienced so much confusion as he used my empathy and kindness a weapon against me. That is not about sexuality. That is an abusive man.
The sexuality was just a part of it.
Xoxoxo to all on this board.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
I read your post at 5am this morning OMOTF. I'd woken from my bed (the couch) where one of us has been sleeping for the last 3-4 weeks. Mostly him because of my neck & shoulder pain but I am aware he's the breadwinner and pays for this apartment so sometimes he gets the bed.
I don't know if it's the fact I read the statistic "a certain number of MOMs break down after 3 years" and whether or not I've used that stat as a measure but here we are...it'll be 3 years in mid-Feb, and I have nothing left to give him.
Like OMOTF there was a period where my partner was distant, off-hand, unusually dismissive. Couldn't understand why he looked at me with scorn and said things that were meant to hurt. THAT time was the base for everything that followed, but I only realised this about a year ago. So when I say it took awhile for my head to catch up with my heart.....I'm so glad I let that self-awareness come through and saw myself for the codependant I had become.
The man will never admit he's more than bisexual....still claims it's only 5% of who he is and he's NOT GAY! and I'm over talking about it to somebody who refuses to admit, as a man who said maybe one day he'll be fucked by a man (vomit)....that he's more than bisexual.
And yes trust. I will never fully trust a man ever again. Because even though I knew he was bisexual I thought he would place me, and our long long time together before anything else.
Sexuality? He can now have it all. He can write somebody else long emails full of his gay fantasies. He can chat to all the other middle-aged married men who live in a dishonest closet
Elle
Note; I am 100% straight. I'm the only one who truly knows it
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (January 30, 2020 2:01 pm)
KIA KAHA