Very early after D-day, before the decision to divorce, I recall considering so many alternatives to keep my family together and to keep my children together with their mother.  Simply put, any of them would have made me a cuckold with no sense of self or self - respect. I chose to leave, I grieved the divorce, the loss of family, etc. and it HURT like HELL. 

As noted in my story, my new wife and I are combining households this year. We closed on the new house in June and are still in the middle of the largest, most complex,  and most expensive  move of my life but I can say it was all the right call.  We’ve already had out of town visitors, my daughter has had sleep overs and we’ve had many of those small moments that feel like family that I can honestly say I didn’t have in my MOM.

Take-away ... as much as my ex wanted to be straight and tried to be straight, she just wasn’t capable of being completely present and that gap affected all of us.  While it hurt to leave the  shores of the familiar, and there were many storms in the last few years,   I believe I’ve arrived at the shores of the authentic, with my self and self respect intact.

ADSJ

Last edited by a_dads_straight_journey (July 30, 2019 11:08 am)

wow yes great piece of writing.  she is so right about burying our needs.  please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks her fiancé is gay.  

I know he had an affair with a woman but it strikes me as just the same as what my ex did - it is such a good cover.  'I slept with another woman.'   and gets you back into line if you are being too serious about your needs.  The truth is he was sleeping with men before he even met me. 

yes exactly - looking back, knowing what I know now it makes me feel sick - how deliberately manipulative it was.  Ugh!