Ugh... had my first post separation conversation with GID husband a few days ago.  He wanted to tell me that he realized he's been wrong and wanted to take responsibility for the lack of intimacy for the last 5 years or so.

He then laid out all of the reasons: I was depressed (true), I watched too much TV, I wasn't interesting, I hadn't been working. I wasn't X, I didn't do Y, and I did Z.  

Are you kidding me?  OK, so I spent years building a career and when I left I didn't exactly have a plan.  It did put me in a bit of a tailspin, but frankly I could afford some time to figure out what my next steps were.  Then the death of a parent and a few suicide attempts by my youngest daughter derailed me even more.

So... THAT's why he never initiated anything?  Because It's all my fault and he's man enough now to admit he should have communicated more?  And what about the years before that?  I'm just really pissed that he's laying this out so he gets credit for accepting responsibility but it's all my fault.

I just needed to get this out there so I can hopefully sleep and not keep replaying this tonight.

My favorite part was when he said there were times we were laying in bed and he thought maybe we would have sex, but I eventually got out of bed.  I had to point out the number of times I initiated and was rejected taught me not to initiate.  What did he think was going to happen?  

OK, I might be a little more pissed off than I originally thought.