Lonely,

I’m sorry.  I found out a month and a half ago that my wife was gay, and I completely relate to the shock and the painful thought of losing that person you are so in love with and attached to in so many other ways. So much of our hopes and dreams as you described are intertwined with that person.  It’s almost indescribable how devastating it was for me in the first week.
  It’s so helpful that you have people to talk to, including your husband. Sounds like your love and respect for each other is intact, which I have found to be really important for my journey. 
  Again, I’m sorry you have had to join this “ lonely hearts club “.  I’m glad you found this forum. I think you will find it to be increadibly helpful. 
  Take your time with things.  There’s no schedule.  Just breathe...

Lonelyheartsclub, how dreadful for you! I'm sorry that Christmas is ruined for you for the forseeable future. But welcome to the club that noone wants to join.
I completely agree with Jaybird. Please think of yourself. Even if he hasn't cheated (why disclose at xmas?) he has still had a heads up with this and you need the time to process the information and start to concentrate on you. You are correct when you say that everything has changed. Please look back at former posts. " We were each others' best friends" is a common theme. Maybe you'll stay friends, but the most important thing now is to concentrate on you. You have joint property.....you need to start thinking about what works for you. Try to assemble a support team who are there for you. It is very hard to cut off your support and caring for someone who has been the most important person in your life but, you must. You are the only person who will focus on you. Please take care of yourself!
I've just had my fourth Christmas on my own. My children (in their 30's) are wonderful and this year has been the first with my wonderful granddaughter. But it is still a very hard time. It's hard to have her opening presents with him. To be alone while they're all with him (and to have the "significant other" there with them) . But time does help to get used to living with any situation. Not to accept, forgive or forget, but to get used to the  new normal. You need this time now.

    One of the more difficult stages of this journey we're all on is that we have to learn not to depend on our spouses for help in processing the hand they've dealt us, and to take the step to distance (and then sever) ourselves emotionally from them. 
   I know this sounds harsh, and not something many want to do, or even believe must be done, but the more and longer you depend on your spouse to help you through the ending of the love relationship and the dissolution of the marriage bond, the more damage you do to yourself.  (And I can already feel and hear the pushback and denial that this must happen....)

   It really does just royally suck.  It's so hard and so painful.  Leaving my marriage was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  
   It helps to focus on yourself (for a change).  To ask yourself what you need, and what you want, and to tell yourself it's ok to focus on yourself.   Get a therapist to help you; get some exercise to feel strong and help your mood; do something at which you're competent, to remind yourself you are; see a friend and let yourself remember that others love and value you, and will help you get through this.  
  Those of us who've gone through it can say, though, that although you don't just flick the switch at some point, after which everything is ok, forever and ever, it does get better.  For one thing, living without the pain that hope continually raises its head and is then dashed by reality is a huge relief.  And once you're well through it and away from the person who is causing you pain--maybe not overtly but just by the fact they are withdrawing from you and your marriage--you can begin to heal, which allows you to see and experience pleasures in life that you'd either no longer been able to appreciate or thought you'd never again appreciate.  
   
   

I'm so sorry you find yourself here.

I've never understood why people choose days like Christmas Eve to deliver devastating news like that.  My cousin's wife announced she was leaving him on Christmas one year, and it ruined the day for him and the children for decades.  

When I had to tell our daughter about my discovery about her father being gay, I intentionally waited until after her senior year of college, after graduation, and after the post-graduation vacation she took with her friends.