You talked about struggling to detach..   one minute you can't let her leave, then next minute you are completely relieved when she is gone.   This is very normal. 

It takes time for love to leave.  It's the stickiest of emotions.  If you really loved her you can't possibly kill your love for her overnight.  It just takes time.  Give yourself time.  
You are BOTH also dealing with fear.  Change in life is scary.  You are both losing something.  You are losing love.  She is losing security.  You are losing much more because she is excited about her future while yours in unknown.  But the point is.. you are both dealing with fear.  That's why you see her waffling a little bit.  
She is dealing with shame.  She is causing your pain.  She knows in her heart that she lied to you, stole years of your life, and is now hurting you more than anyone else could possibly hurt you.  That makes her very ashamed.  Her guilt makes her want to help you.  Her shame makes it impossible for her to see you in such pain.  She can't be around you while you are crying.  It burns her.  

I encourage you to start thinking of her as your son's mother and your ex-wife.  You are still tied to her emotionally and you consider how your actions today will impact your relationship in the future.. and you consider that relationship to be how it is today.   But it won't be.  In a few months to years she will be a very minor character in your life.  She is the mother of your child and most likely the only interactions with her will be logistics for parental visits and decision making.  You aren't going to care about her emotions.  The sooner you get to that point, the better you off you will be and the more quickly you will heal. 

Third wheel indeed. Not what you or anyone should have to live with.

I know she has some anxiety and depression issues.  Her old therapist and new one are in the same office.  She’s been seeing a therapist for a few months.  She had a nervous breakdown a few years back, but she’s been doing better (or so I thought) until the doctor incident.  She says most of it is due to hiding the gay thing.  She decided tonight that she is going to talk to her mom and tell her everything this week.  We’ll see how that goes.  I would rather have that conversation out of the way and not have that hanging out waiting.

I had quit soft drinks back during summer last year, but has really picked back up over the last couple months.  I hate coffee and I have needed caffeine to make an attempt at work.  So have to work to kick the Mountain Dew again.  I built my workshop a couple of years ago.  I do some small woodworking stuff in there or just tinker with things.  It’s my man cave.  TV to watch a game or usually a Netflix cartoon cause little man hangs out while I’m in there.

She tells me she has not been with anyone outside our marriage.  I believe her for now.  She has not given me a reason not to believe her.  She has joined some meetup groups online and wants to go to their events to meet new friends.  Says she doesn’t want to get into a relationship right now, but that’s not what I was worried about.  She’s almost like a horny teenager it seems at times and wants to know how that is with a woman.  But she tells me nothing will happen until papers are signed.  I want to believe that, but i’ll be honest and say I have doubts about it once she is with new friends. 

As far as other people, there are 4 people that know the whole story and one of those is the church counselor.  I don’t talk about it everyday to the others.  I read a lot on here and trying to get it out here.  I know eventually I’m going to have to deal with it here at home once people start finding out, so trying to figure out how to do that.  I’m going to find a connection group/Sunday School class to join at church.  So hopefully will start to make some new friends there.

We did decide to tell our son before school is out, but still waiting until after his birthday.  We did write out some of the things we’ve agreed on.  At least things are amicable right now and hopefully will continue to be.

So, what a summer.  I went away for a while trying to work on some stuff.  My wife decided in early May that she wanted to work on things and stay together as a family.  She said that she felt convicted that she should keep her wedding vows and not tear our family apart.  I was happy that we were going to try to work on things.  We ended up buying a camper (which I have wanted to do and was looking at even when she was planning on leaving) and staying at the beach.  Our son was happy that she had decided to stay and we were at the beach.  We ended up going three times actually, once just by ourselves. I had fun with my son, but it was hard with this thing hanging over us.  Each trip had it's own issues and led to the last one being our last family vacation together.  Things came to light on the vacations when would talk.  Two of those stand out to me.  The first one was about the time she had a breakdown a few years back.  She was completely unresponsive to anything all of the sudden.  Couldn't get her to move, nothing.  She had been extremely sick and I was worried she was having a stroke or something.  Called an ambulance and eventually the said nothing was wrong.  They thought it was a nervous breakdown and she ended up in a hospital for a few days.  The whole thing freaked me the crap out cause I thought she was dying.  Well, found out on vacation that it was just act.  She was tired of doctors not listening to her and that was the only way she thought to get help.  She faked the whole episode.  Then brings up things that I have done and says for me not to act so angry about it.  That I had also lied about things in our marriage and shouldn't act like I'd never done anything wrong.  I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes along the way, but I never let her think I was dying.  But ok, lets move on since that was years ago.  She begins talking about being a Lesbian, but living celibate.  I assumed since we were in counseling and she was telling me that she hoped that some day we would have a sex life together, that meant celibate as it pertains to women.  Come to find out, she means celibate all the way.  We had a big fight because she didn't understand why was having a hard time with that, which was 15 min after she explained it.  Finally, she is hounding me about it and wants an answer.  So I thought that saving our marriage would worth it, and told her that I was ok with it but that I would always hope that it would change.  Four days (yeah, four days), she tells me that she can't live that way.  That she wants to be free to have relationships with women.  She's crying and upset while she's telling me this.  She says she doesn't want me to hate her and that she hopes we can still be friends through this.  I don't hate her, but she's crushed my heart.  At this point, I've turned off most of the emotion.  I know that I'll have to deal with this mess at some point, but right now it's time to push through it.  Paperwork is being drawn up by my lawyer.  She's got a full-time job now and plans on moving out first to middle of next month.  At that point, we have to tell our son (again).  Nothing has changed as far as his living arrangements.  He will live with me and she will see him ever other weekend.  He jokingly asked about us moving to the beach, which is something I have always wanted to do.  She told me I should do that, but I know that her visits would stop eventually.  I feel like I would be taking that relationship away from him, but when I mentioned this to her she didn't seem that upset.  She says she loves him, but that spending time with him is difficult because of how active he is.  He totally all boy (noun..noise with dirt on).  It just makes me sad because I really think whether we move or not, eventually she won't be in his life.  So, that's the short version catch up.  Thanks for listening to me vent.