Not saying they were saying it but it felt like if you decide to quit then you don't have faith.   

The fundamental difference that we have is they believe that God will take those desires Away and make him desire me.  I don't.

I told my GID husband that I wanted a divorce tonight.  He looked right at me and said that he want willing Tipp accept it.  We haven't tried hard enough yet.  He's just learning to show me attention and affection.  He's not willing to give up.  He's not sexually attracted to men. It's a porn addiction and he's done.   

It's exhausting.  I just kept telling him that I believe he is sexually attracted to men and I don't believe that changes.    He is asking me to go back to the councillor.   I have to get over making him ok with this.

It just amazes me how the stories always have so much in common. 

We also didn't have sex for months and it wasn't for lack of trying on my part. 
Never and I mean never had he complemented me or told me that I was beautiful.   The closest I ever got was that's a nice shirt.   

It stupid really when I sit back and look at it all.

So my husband decided we should talk this morning.  Just need to vent and hear the truth to offset the guilt he's laying on me.  Lets see if I can summarize this:

​1. "It feels like your just stopping in you tracks because you didn't like what she said" - Because I told him I hadn't planned on going to counseling tomorrow.
​2. "You said you needed to go alone?" ( No he told me that maybe I should go on my own. - which I told him)
​3. "You seem to be stuck on the gay porn??  I'm NOT sexually attracted to men.  I watched everything. When a good looking woman walks in the door I think wow she's pretty, I never think that about a man"
​4. "You keep bringing up the Craig's list ads.  That was 4 or so years ago.  It's like you think I acted on it."  
​     - I told him I didn't know if he had acted on it or not, but I don't believe that you look at those ads without at least the thought of acting on it.  "I have never considered nor will I ever cheat on you with a woman or a man"  Although he did admit masturbating to porn is the equivalent of cheating.
​5.  "Is it the anal sex?  Lot's of straight men like to have anal sex with their wives"
​6.  "Is it because I like oral?  Lot's of straight men like to receive oral sex from their wives"
​7.  " I understand that you had addressed this before but you never REALLY addressed it.  I knew it was a problem before you busted me, I just didn't know how to quit, but you helped give me the courage or urgency"
​8.    "I feel like now that I'm in the middle of my storm you are leaving me instead of supporting me"


​I think I did pretty well with all of this.  I told him that I believe he is sexually attracted to men, even if he doesn't want to be and that I don't feel like it's something that can be changed.   That he can chose to fight it but that doesn't make the desires go away or make him desire me.  He assures me that he does and always has desired me but he just didn't know how

No need to be sorry Duped.   I find everyone's information is helpful.  Even if it doesn't have anything directly to do with my situation, just reading what is our had gone on with others helps me greatly. 

Kel, of course I know you are right.   I have the first lawyer picked out already that I want to talk to.  Now I just need to call.   I just keep reminding myself that I'm not really doing my children any favors by staying.