lily wrote:

Lost, have you got a family person who can help you with the divorce?  Getting the separation agreement is the hard part, not the filing.  

It's not that oh he's been hiding being gay and now that he's admitted to it he can be honest.  He is who he is and it sounds familiar to a lot of us here - pay attention to your finances like a mother with her ducklings.  My ex was siphoning money out of our joint account and putting it into a secret one he had opened.

glad you found us yes it feels so lonely in these moms and so good to get the company here and verification for your instincts.  Hope things work out with the new interest, I think you have handled it very well by being up front with him.

I'm willing to give him money just to get out peacefully with my kids ..but I get your point....I actually realized that he has been saving money all this time while I was paying for all kids expenses,school,and home expenses ....he pays the mortgage...that's it ...


I'm happy this form exists because sometimes I feel like I'm a crazy person specially when he denies everything or pretends to be supportive.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

My mom is my support system...the lawyer is drafting the separation agreement ...will see what will happen in the next few days .

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Lostperson wrote:

.......The other issue is I started developing feelings for a friend which is crazy timing and I don't want to hurt anyone...there is enough misery in this world.

 

38 years ago I developed feelings for somebody....I was in a bad/unhappy/violent marriage. I thought I'd found my saviour. Turned out he was bisexual/gay/liked cock. But didn't realise what it did to me until many years later. 

My advice to you is think about your children and yourself....not a man you have feelings for. He's not important 
in the scheme of what's happening to you. If it's meant to be this guy will understand, be patient....wait.
But (and I'll be frank) if it's your libido talking....accept him as a fuck-buddy but have clear boundaries.

Elle
 

I don't think it's libido ...I actually like him as a person and I told him if he thinks we have a chance he has to wait or go find someone else. I told him the truth.

I think I crave to be clear and honest like I used to be before all this mess.

I'm not in a good place mentally ...divorce in my culture is frowned upon...but I just can't lie to my self .


I'm so thankful to all of you for sharing as this path feels so lonely .

Anon2222 wrote:

That's great that you are independent - do you have a formal separation agreement? And have custody/support in writing? That tends to be the contentious and expensive part.

Filing for divorce is traumatic. It's a level of finality that is gut wrenching.

For a lot of people, 6 months is still fresh. Where I live, you can't even file until you've been separated for over a year. You don't have to file this second - take your time to sort out how you are feeling and what is troubling you. There isn't a time frame for any of this, you do what works best for you.

By the sounds of your post - there are a lot of unresolved emotions still there. They are not going to go away if you don't deal with them, and deal with them in a healthy manner. Which is stupid hard, and takes a lot of time. It will take however long it takes. Try to lighten up the pressure on yourself and cut yourself some slack. It's ok to not be ok. And it will all take however long it takes to get sorted out.

You got this.

No I don't yet ....I'm struggling to tell the lawyer to file more than anything...you are right ...the pain is so real and I'm terrified of being lonely .

I don't know how to convince my self that it's ok not to be ok.

He is trying to convince me that he cares and I know he is just trying to manipulate me ...I feel so stupid .

I'm in deep trouble .

I discovered that my husband sent emails to psychologists telling them that he is gay which was before we got married ,also while we were engaged he slept with a guy then after that he claims he never touched any one. I saw emails with a guy after 2 years of marriage and after having 2 kids.

I also discovered that he watched gay porn ...

Regardless of this sexuality issue ,we always had troubles,he made me feel not enough and criticized everything about me.

I want to get a divorce but I'm so frozen...I'm worried about my kids...they are young .

We are separated now but I can't seem to just file!

The other issue is I started developing feelings for a friend which is crazy timing and I don't want to hurt anyone...there is enough misery in this world.

MJM017 wrote:

Lostperson, I am really sorry you're going through this.

My late GIDXH also found another woman after I broke up with him.  The weird thing is he had none of the things that usually push people into the closet. He was tall and imposing too. Any homophobic guy would  have had a death wish to bully him for SSA.

I found everything overwhelming when I went through the divorce process.  I stuck with what I absolutely had to to make the best and most rational decisions. The rest had to and could wait.

I sincerely hope all goes well for you.

Thank you for responding .My husband is in absolute denial ...I hope I'll stick to my decision and not get bullied to change it or stay in this marriage for the kids !!