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| Support » "Happy birthday...I'm bisexual" » June 11, 2019 10:55 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 10
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I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts and experiences with me. It is both comforting and terrifying to know that others understand what I am going through. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy (not that I have any enemies.)
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Many of you have suggested seeking an attorney. I’m only 8 weeks into this nightmare, so I don’t think I’m there quite yet. We make roughly the same amount of money, and we don’t have any assets/shared accounts—so this would be a pretty easy split (legally/financially) if we did not have a child. The only thing I am confident of is that our daughter comes first for both of us—and causing the least amount of pain/damage to her is our priority.
I arrived at our last counseling appointment a few minutes before my husband, and I made it very clear with the therapist that I’d like to focus on the bisexuality (and all of the things that don’t add up.) The articles you shared really helped me to articulate the way I feel my husband is rewriting history—and forcing me to look at our life together on dual screens.
When probed once again with the “why tell me” question, my husband said it’d been “eating away at him.” He described his fantasies about men as “adolescent:” going on dates, holding hands, kissing. I’d been so focused on the sexual aspect of this revelation—but from his description it seems that what he wants is a romantic relationship with a man. Somehow, this is more difficult to grasp than sexual desire—and I’m honestly not sure what it means.
I ended the session letting the therapist know that I could not continue on with the marriage counseling since it’s been taking an emotional toll on me and I was afraid it would cause permanent damage. I told her that I’d like to seek individual therapy and that I hoped my husband would do the same. She talked us into one final session (this coming Thursday). I left her office a complete wr
| Support » "Happy birthday...I'm bisexual" » June 2, 2019 5:30 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 10
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Hello, all...I have so much to say, but I'll try to condense it as much as possible.
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The *special, extended* CliffNotes version is: Husband of 8 years dropped a bombshell on his 35th birthday (2 months ago). I felt like I'd been hit by a truck on a seemingly empty road. Like so many of you, I did not see this coming at all. His approach was very cold--and plays like a bad remix in my mind: "We need to talk...I'm bisexual." No tears. No "I love you and want to be with you." No "this is hard for me" even. Zero empathy. He's been completely detached emotionally, which makes this even more painful. He says he's known since he was young but has never been with a man. I have no reason to believe that isn't true. We both work from home and are together a majority of the time. He does not see this as deception (withholding his bisexuality from me) because he said he was 80/20 (women/men) at the time....and didn't think it was significant (I guess?). When probed during therapy, he said that number is closer to 70/30 now. Since the bi bombshell, I feel like he's made our fractured relationship about EVERYTHING but "the gay thing" and says that he's been unhappy for 6 years. I do not understand how someone can stew in their unhappiness for six whole years and not communicate that? Before we had a child 3 years ago (which is the most difficult part about all of this), we did things together all of the time (films, picnics, lots of traveling, hotels on many Saturdays just for fun). Sex has always been great...but there's been little affection for years.
He is an amazing father, and it kills me to think about how this might affect our child. We are her entire universe (and she is ours, of course.) Neither of us want to be a day without her, but I don't know that I can continue to live in limbo, in the perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I cannot be sure that on his 40th birthday I'm not going to get the "I'm gay" bombshell.
Here's the strange thing, though: